Into the Hands of My Fathers
by LisaDawn75
Summary: Sequel to Deliver Me From Evil. After Bella's ex-boyfriend is dealt with by Edward, she must now face the difficult decision of becoming a vampire. And making her decision even more difficult is her 3-year old son, Ben. How will he be affected? AU
1. Boulevard of Broken Dreams

**A/N: Well, here it is! The sequel to Deliver Me From Evil, as requested by so many of you. I am currently working on another story, The Chimera Project (check it out when you get a chance – it is completely different from this story line), so I am not sure how quickly the updating schedule will go. I've also set up a page on Facebook where I'll post updates, sneak peaks, photos that go with the stories, etc., so please check it out and friend me! You'll find me on Facebook under Lisa DawnFanfiction Means (www dot facebook dot com / home dot php). This is something I'll monitor regularly, so I'm looking forward to talking with you all!**

**I have not put a recap at the beginning, but am picking up where Deliver Me From Evil left off. If you have not read it, then I would suggest you read it first. It is listed under my profile.**

**And now, without further adieu…**

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_Where to go, where to go? Bella thought frantically, her feet thundering on the forest floor. Everywhere she looked, all she saw was the same thing – trees, moss, broken branches. She panted and grasped the stitch in her side. She could not breathe…_

_And she was missing something…but what? The thought continued to elude her._

_But what was she running from? Why did she feel this relentless need to run…to get away? She could not remember, but she could feel the adrenaline pumping through her body. Her fight or flight response had been triggered…and she had chosen flight. But from what? _

_The uncertainty of everything was driving her crazy._

_Bella skidded around a boulder and stopped. In front of her was the most magnetic, yet the most frightening sight she had ever seen._

"Miss?"

Bella was suddenly jerked back to the present and was mortified to see she had allowed her mind to wander back to the dream she had been having almost every night. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mrs. Cavendish," she spoke quickly to her patient. She had stopped in room four to check on the elderly woman who had just been involved in a minor car accident that had resulted in a fractured leg for her. "Is there anything I can get you? More pain medication?" she asked, noticing Mrs. Cavendish's pallor and slight sweating.

Mrs. Cavendish grunted, attempting to reposition herself in the bed. "That would be wonderful," she sighed thankfully.

Bella straightened her pillow and blanket before she dashed to the nurse's station to verify the medication orders for Mrs. Cavendish. As she had just been lost in her dream world, she was not about to administer any medication without triple-checking the orders.

She reentered room four five minutes later with a syringe of morphine, along with a cup of ice chips. "Here we go," she said softly, checked her patient's armband for her name and allergies, and then slowly administered the morphine through her IV line. She immediately saw Mrs. Cavendish's expression relax and knew that the pain medication was working. "Now, would you like to change position a bit?" she asked, knowing it would be much easier now that the medication was doing its job.

"Yes, please. You are an angel," Mrs. Cavendish said gratefully.

Bella laughed softly. "I'm no angel, and you can call me Bella," she reintroduced herself. "I brought you some ice chips to wet your mouth."

Mrs. Cavendish sighed happily. "I guess water is out of the question."

She looked at her apologetically. "I'm afraid so. Your surgery is scheduled in an hour."

"I figured as much. Thank you, dear, for everything."

Bella patted her hand gently. "You're welcome. I'm going to let you get some rest, but I'll be right outside, so just let me know if you need anything. You can have another shot in 15 minutes if you need it," she added helpfully.

She sat down behind her counter, and did her charting on her one and only patient in the emergency room of Forks Community Hospital. She quickly wondered what Edward was doing, then consciously dismissed him from her mind, or she would not be able to get any work done. The dream was still bothering her, and she knew that Edward would be able to analyze it for her as he was currently studying dream interpretation in his psychiatry practice, but she did not want to tell him about it.

She did not need Dr. Edward Cullen, attending psychiatrist in Forks, to tell her what the dream meant.

xXx

"Mommy!" Ben shouted as Bella walked through the daycare door. "I been here _all_ day!"

She laughed and hugged him tightly. "Yes, I know, because I've been at work _all_ day." She quickly took the daily report Ms. Diane handed her and helped Ben into his jacket, even though it was July. He grabbed his backpack and skipped out the door to their old, red Chevy truck that was patiently waiting in the parking lot. She shuddered when she recalled the almost accident Ben had had there almost a year ago that Edward had saved him from.

That had been when she had finally admitted to herself that Edward was not quite human, but what he turned out to be shocked even her.

Vampire.

It had turned out that Edward Cullen, the wet dream of most female hospital staff, was a full-fledged, blood-drinking vampire. But, he had set himself apart from others of his kind by putting down roots with his family, attending medical school, becoming a productive member of society – and _not_ drinking human blood. Bella had been relieved to find that the Cullens were, as they referred to themselves, vegetarians, and only drank the blood of animals.

Although, if she were honest with herself, she would have fallen for Edward regardless of his dietary choices. They had been drawn together as if they were two magnets and no force could keep them apart.

Even knowing what Edward had done to her abusive ex-boyfriend, Eric, had done nothing to disgust her or turn her away from Edward. He had acted out of love for her and Ben, and when he had seen in Eric's thoughts what he had intended to do to the two of them, Edward had actually allowed his inner beast full reign.

He had never told her exactly what he had done to Eric – only that he had taken care of him.

And she had never asked. Her psyche could only handle so much.

"Can we have sketti, mommy?" Ben interrupted her thoughts.

Bella nodded. "Sure can, buddy." She buckled him into the truck and then flipped her phone open at the chirp telling her she had a new text message. "Well, hell…"

Ben gasped. "Mooommmm," he said, scandalized. "You said a bad word _a_'_gin_."

She bit her lip. "I mean heck. Heck, heck, heck. Sorry. Ben, I'm sorry, but I can't make you spaghetti tonight. Aunt Alice wants me to come over and try on my wedding dress."

"Yay! Can I go see Aunt Alice an' Aunt Rose an' Uncle Emmett an' Uncle Jasper? An' Nana Esme an' Papaw Carlisle?" He was pumping his feet in excitement.

"Sure, as long as you behave."

"I will, I will!"

Bella started the thunderous engine and swung through McDonalds to pick up Ben a happy meal for his dinner since their supper plans were out the window. She called Charlie on the way and told him that she and Ben would not be home for supper but that there were cold cuts in the fridge. She then headed north on the 101 to the Cullen home where Alice would afflict her for the evening with dress fittings and wedding planning.

Bella vaguely wondered why she had allowed Alice full reign when it came to the wedding details, but all she had to do was picture Alice's disappointment, and she knew why. She loved Alice like the sister she soon would be, and she wanted to make her happy. However, she prayed that Alice would not go too overboard.

Yeah, right.

Within ten minutes, her truck was chugging down the fern laced driveway that would lead to the Cullen home. Even after all this time, she still had trouble finding the turnoff, but once she did, it was a beautiful drive.

"Bella!" Alice squealed when she pulled up in front of the house. Esme was on the front porch, a smile on her beautiful features. They both met them at the truck.

"Hi, Ben," Esme said softly, and smiled brilliantly when Ben unbuckled his seatbelt and jumped into her arms. "Oh, I've missed you!"

He giggled. "You just saw me two days 'go," he said with a laugh.

"That was way too long!"

He giggled again and kissed her cheek. Bella thought that if possible, Esme would have taken flight she was so happy.

Alice tugged on her arm. "Come on! Perrine had the dress shipped and it just arrived today! Let's go try it on you!"

Bella allowed Alice to pull her into the house and began going up the stairs. "Esme, do you mind…?" She nodded at Ben.

"Bella, of course not. Take your time," she called, walking with Ben into the kitchen.

Alice glided into her room and stood in front of her closet with the French doors. "Now, just wait until you see this!" She pulled the doors open and stood in front of a garment bag that was hanging in the back, her arms poised as if she were a model on a game show. "Ta-da!"

"Am I going to wear the bag?" Bella asked facetiously, then laughed when Alice gasped.

"Oh, me. Here," she said and quickly unzipped the bag to reveal Bella's wedding gown. "Now…ta-da!"

Bella was speechless. "Oh, Alice. It-it's beautiful. And perfect! How did you know?" she asked, looking at the dress she would have immediately chosen for herself, then felt stupid for asking such a ridiculous question of Alice.

Alice shrugged, seeming embarrassed. "Edward. I just know how old-fashioned he is and when you told me what you wanted, I saw you in this dress. So, I designed it and talked to Perrine Bruyere about creating it. He loved it, by the way, and is going to introduce it in his fall line!"

She walked over to the dress, still encased in the garment bag. It was beautiful. And Bella had not been lying to Alice to make her feel good; the dress was exactly what she would have picked out for herself. She breathed an inward sigh of relief as she had been secretly worried that Alice would drape her in taffeta, satin and tulle from head to toe.

The dress was an ivory satin with a long train and high collar. The sleeves were shirred to the elbow and then became snug and would come to her wrists, and the bodice looked as if it would fit tightly. Bella pulled the garment bag off of the dress and found to her delight the back fastened with a long row of satin-covered small buttons. It was the quintessential wedding dress of the early 1900's.

"Alice, I'm speechless," she whispered and was happy to see the delight on Alice's face. "Now, what do you want me to do first?"

"You're taking this all very well," Alice said, a slight tone of suspicion in her voice.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Well," Alice hedged. "You've always seemed a little irritated when I've mentioned us going shopping, or makeovers…"

Bella laughed. "Alice, I'm marrying Edward! Why wouldn't I be thrilled?" _Plus, afterwards, he's promised to change me and I'm going to talk him into a _real_ honeymoon…_

Alice laughed. "I guess I misread you, then. So, after the wedding, would you want to go to Seattle for a shopping spree?" she asked hopefully.

"Don't push it."

"Fine, then I guess it's up to me to pick out your…honeymoon…attire," she said, eyebrows raised suggestively.

Bella felt a thrill go through her at the mention of the honeymoon. "I guess so," she replied devilishly, causing Alice to laugh even harder.

xXx

Bella turned her face, finally gasping for air, and shivered as Edward allowed his lips to graze behind her ear. "Edward," she groaned in frustration. "Why wait? The wedding is in a few weeks…"

Edward chuckled and put some distance between himself and his future bride. "Two reasons, love. One is sleeping on the couch. The other is because we have to have that paper saying we are bonded until death do us part."

"Oh, my God," Bella moaned, mortified. She had been so taken with Edward that she had forgotten that Ben was asleep on the couch in the same room. "Look what you did to me!"

"Me? I did nothing."

Bella laughed slightly. "Yeah, you think it's nothing. But you have a power over me that no one should be allowed to have."

Edward cupped her face in his hands. "Do you trust me?"

"I trust you with my life every moment."

"Then trust me that you hold the same power over me, and I'll never use it to make you do anything you don't want to do."

"Neither will I."

He looked deeply into her brown eyes, his own amber eyes seeming to burn right through her. "Then don't change."

Bella groaned and flopped back on the bed. "Edward! We've already discussed it and you agreed to do it if we got married."

"I know."

"Are you backing out on me?"

He sighed. "Of course I wouldn't. But let's take care of the wedding first."

"Yeah," she agreed suspiciously. _If he thinks he can marry her and then dazzle his way out of his promise, he better think again_, she thought.

**End Notes: Please leave me a review and let me know what you think so far. And don't forget to check me out on Facebook for updates and sneak peaks of upcoming chapters! Thanks for reading!**


	2. I Want You to Want Me

"Alice?" Bella asked, deciding now was as good a time as any as she was allowing Alice to do a make-up practice run. Bella had suffered through the entire dress fitting without complaint, and now she was hoping to pull some information from her best friend.

"I already know what you're going to ask," she retorted, her tongue stuck between her teeth as she leaned down and carefully applied eyeliner to Bella's lower lids. "He'll kill me."

She tried to shake her head, but Alice had a vice grip on her. "No, he won't. Besides, if I'm going to go through with it, isn't it only fair that I know ahead of time what I'm getting into?"

Alice sat the make-up brush down, admiring her handiwork. "He'd say 'no' to that argument, too, since none of us knew what was going to happen."

Bella groaned in frustration under her breath. "Did he _tell_ you not to tell me?"

Alice looked at her, surprise on her face. "How did you know?"

"Just a hunch," Bella grumbled. "Come on, please? Best friends wouldn't allow each other to go into something like this blind."

"Bella…" Alice moaned under her breath. "Edward will murder me."

"You can't be murdered."

Her perfect features scrunched into a scowl. "You know what I mean."

Bella stood up suddenly. "You know, I'm beginning to have second thoughts about this wedding stuff. Maybe I _will_ just let Edward take me to Vegas and get married in a drive-through chapel in my sweats –"

"No!" Alice shouted and maneuvered Bella back into the vanity chair. "Fine, I'll tell you." She gritted her teeth.

Bella smiled innocently. "Oh, thank you, Alice! You are such a good friend. Now, tell me everything you know about vampire conversions."

Alice sat gracefully down in the floor and folded her legs underneath her. "Well, I've never done it before…you know, make one. And I don't remember anything about my own transformation. I just know that I woke up one day and was like…this." She gestured to herself.

"I know you've heard them talk."

She nodded. "What I do know is that the change takes three days and is said to be the most excruciating experience one ever has. Human memories will fade, but those three days will be burned into your memory for eternity."

"They weren't for you."

Alice shook her head sadly. "I know. But I don't remember anything about my human life. Everyone else has some memories, usually strong ones, but I don't recall anything except from the day I woke up and was a vampire. I have no idea who made me or why…I don't know if I had a family, friends…children. Nothing."

Bella felt her chest tighten at her friend's emotional display. This was as personal and raw as Alice had ever been with her. "I'm sorry, Alice."

She shook herself. "Oh, well, it's all in the past and now I have Jasper. But I do remember the newborn phase and it is _very_ difficult to refrain from killing people and drinking human blood. That's all you'll be able to think of. Nothing else will matter."

"Yes it will!" Bella retorted. "Edward and Ben are, and will always be, the most important things in my life!"

Alice wisely kept silent. "To create a new vampire, one has to bite, but not drink. Many attempts fail because the so-called creator ends up drinking the person dry. It's very difficult to have that type of restraint."

"Edward will."

She nodded. "I believe he will as he loves you too much. He's actually an oddity in that he chose you over human blood, a feat that is basically unheard of."

"Then what will happen after he…bites me?" Bella asked nervously. This part was not sounding so great.

"Then, you will feel as if your entire body is engulfed in flames, although you won't actually be on fire. The venom causes a torturous burning through the body as it changes the cellular structures, organs, blood, tissues. But eventually, the burning will begin to subside and when you wake up, you will be one of us," she finished with a smile.

No wonder Edward did not want her to know. Actually, though, if he did not want her to become a vampire, he should have told her this part from the beginning. She had a high tolerance for pain, but she was no masochist. "Oh."

Alice shook her head. "I knew I shouldn't have told you."

Bella shook herself from her dream state and touched Alice's cold, granite arm. "No, I'm glad you did. Thank you."

"So does that change your mind?"

Bella suddenly had a thought. "Alice, do you see me becoming a vampire?"

She sighed. "I can't see anything for sure. One minute I do, and the next minute, I don't, which says to me you haven't completely made up your mind."

"Of course I've made up my mind," she snapped.

"See? You have not or I'd see you as one of us plain as day. Bella, don't rush into anything. Remember, once you do it, you can't go back."

Bella was becoming confused. "I thought you wanted me to become a vampire." She was slightly hurt.

Alice embraced her carefully. "Of course I do, but you're my best friend and I just want you to be completely sure, because once it's started, it can't be undone.

"Bella?" They heard Edward call from downstairs.

"Shit," Alice whispered. She pointed her finger at Bella as if to say 'not a word' and then called out, "we're up here!"

Edward was immediately at Alice's bedroom door. "Bella?"

"For heaven's sake, Edward, I haven't killed her, but you can't come in."

"Why?"

Alice sighed. "Because we're doing wedding stuff and the dress is out," she said slowly, as if he were stupid.

The knob started to turn, and Alice was at the door in a flash. "If you open that door, Edward Cullen, I swear I will rip your hand off."

Bella was beginning to giggle at the verbal sparring between the two. "I'll be down in a minute, Edward," she called.

"All right."

Bella swore he muttered 'bitchy' under his breath, but she was not sure.

xXx

"So, Bella, when's the big day?" Emmett asked, plopping down on the sofa next to where Bella, Ben and Edward were watching _Toy Story_ on the large television.

Bella shot him a surprised look. "Huh?"

Emmett nudged her with his elbow, blatantly ignoring Edward's murderous glare. "You know. _The_ _day_," he said, adding air quotes with his fingers.

Bella nodded infinitesimally toward Ben, hoping that Emmett would take a hint, but, as always, no dice.

"Emmett, can we discuss this later, when little ears are not within hearing range? If you were to be the cause of someone to have nightmares…well, let's just say that Rosalie would be putting you back together again." Edward raised his eyebrows so that Emmett would understand his threat was not without promise.

"Like Humpty Dumpty?" Ben interjected, looking up at Edward from where he was snuggled against the vampire's rock-hard side.

"Exactly like Humpty Dumpty," Edward replied, his golden eyes trained on his sibling.

Emmett held his hands up in surrender. "Fi-"

Before he could finish, however, Bella interrupted. "Wait a minute! They _couldn't_ put Humpty Dumpty back together again, remember? 'All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again.'"

Edward stroked his thumb across her cheek. "That's correct, he didn't get put back together. Remember that, bro."

"I was just askin'!"

"Trust me, we'll let you know when we've decided," Edward said with finality.

"But I might be of some help…I thought I could have some input."

"Emmett," Bella growled. "You don't get _input_ into my life choices, okay?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "You might be singing a different tune later, little girl."

"Oh, bite me," she muttered.

Ben sat straight up. "Don't bite my mom! You'd have to sit in time out. Danny, my frien' at daycare, bit Becky an' he hadda sit in time out."

Edward glared at Emmett again. "See what I mean?"

Emmett threw his hands up. "I didn't say it! She did!"

Bella just smirked at him and hugged Ben closer.

"Damn, I can't win for losing," he muttered before turning back to the movie.

"You said a bad word, Uncle Emmett," Ben whispered.

Rosalie swooped in suddenly and picked Ben up off of the couch. "How'd you like to go finish this with me and Nana Esme in her room?" She glared at Emmett. "That way, if Uncle Emmett slips another bad word, your ears will be safe."

"'Kay!" he said, grinning, and lifted his arms for Rose to pick him up.

Bella watched as her son was nuzzled softly by a vampire and again wondered at her reaction to the entire situation as she had no reaction. She knew Rose would rip her own teeth out before she harmed Ben. "Be good," Bella instructed him.

He waved at her as he exited the room, safe in Rosalie's arms. "I always good, Mom!"

"Now," Edward drawled, staring at Emmett with a death stare.

Bella put her hand on his arm. "Let it go, Ben's fine. He's just stuck on the bad word thing and he's heard me say far worse."

"I think we need a swear jar," Jasper piped in, walking into the room. "Five dollars for every curse word said."

Emmett groaned. "Hell, I'd be broke all the time."

Jasper held out his hand. "Five bucks."

"For what?"

"You said a curse word."

"I didn't agree to it."

Jasper shook his head. "Doesn't matter, bro. Fact is, little ears are around here now, and we all need to watch what we say."

Emmett grumbled and handed over a five dollar bill.

"We'll use it to start Ben's college fund," Bella said helpfully.

Edward looked over at her. "Bella, Ben's college is already taken care of."

She glared at him. "Oh, no you –"

He put his finger over her lips. "Nope. We'll be married by then and what's mine is yours, so I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary."

"And I imagine you've already planned on his first car, too," she said sarcastically.

"Of course."

She sighed in frustration.

"Love, as I've said, when you don't ever sleep, work all of the time, and have a sister who can predict the stock market, money is never a problem. So let me use it on what I want."

"Damn, Bella, most girls are dying to have their man spend money on them," Emmett quipped, then groaned when Jasper held his hand out. "Shit."

"Ten now."

"This sucks, just for the record."

Jasper looked over at Bella. "Are we counting 'sucks' as a bad word?"

Emmett was frantically shaking his head at her, causing her to burst into laughter. "Not for now, unless it becomes a problem," she said, looking at Emmett.

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Now, let's talk business before I'm completely broke."

"What do you want to know?" Bella asked.

"Are you changing to one of us or not?"

Bella bit her lip, her conversation with Alice still fresh in her mind. Alice had told her she could not see clearly if Bella would become an immortal, which meant she was still somewhat undecided. "Of course," she answered crisply.

"So, when are you gonna do it? On your honeymoon?" he asked, batting his eyelashes at her comically.

She burst into laughter. "What we do on our honeymoon is none of your concern."

"Oh, I gotcha." He waggled his eyebrows at her.

"Stop it," she begged, gasping for air.

"Emmett," Edward admonished, and Bella could tell from the tension running through him that if he could have, he would have been blushing furiously.

Bella was brought up short by this. Exactly what would they be doing on their honeymoon? She needed to talk to Edward…now.

xXx

Bella paced back and forth across the golden carpet in Edward's bedroom. She was unsure how to broach the subject. The last time she had been brave enough to even mention their potential sex life, Edward had told her it was impossible, and she had felt she would die of embarrassment. But, if they were married…how would they consummate it?

"Bella, darling, you are going to wear a path in the carpet. Now, will you please sit down and tell me what's on your mind?" Edward was sitting back comfortably on the leather couch and finally, Bella sat next to him.

"I was just thinking about the…honeymoon. After Emmett brought it up," she quickly added.

"Oh."

Bella knew what she wanted to say. She wanted to say "take me!" and jump him right then and there. But, she was afraid of his reaction – and rejection; she had alluded to them making love the other night, but now, she was not sure if he realized she had been talking about _that_. He had said that they had to be married first, but did he think she was referring to him changing her? She decided to just jump in feet first. "Edward, will we be able to…be together…physically? On our honeymoon?"

"Bella, we've already talked about this –"

"But that was before we were getting married! Edward, we can do this, I know we can!" _Don't beg, don't beg…_

Edward sighed. "If something happened – if I hurt you – I couldn't live with myself."

Bella pulled herself into his lap. "But you won't hurt me. You can't…I know you can't. You have such a good grip on your control now. And it will be fine." _Sounds like begging…_

"I very well could hurt you and might – or even kill you."

She groaned. "Stop being so fucking pessimistic, Edward! Jeez, what happened to thinking positively?"

"Fine. I'm positive I'll hurt you," he snapped.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Don't be an ass. I just want us to try…please?" _Now you're begging for sure._

"Bella, if you need that part of your life and want to look elsewhere, I'll stay blind to it."

She wanted to punch him in those perfect lips of his, but knew it would only end up with her having a fractured hand. "Fine." She got up from his lap. "If that's what you want."

He stared at her as if she had just grown an extra head. "Wh-what?"

"I said fine," she said stoically, calling his bluff. "Since that is what you want."

Edward was up in a flash. "I don't want that! The thought of another man touching you… I'd have to kill him."

Bella sighed. "Then why did you bring it up?"

"Because I thought you'd say no," he spluttered.

"Look, you obviously don't want me in that way, and you just gave me permission to find someone who does."

Edward growled and before she knew it, Bella was being pushed up against the wall, his mouth at her ear. He breathed his sweet breath on her skin while he allowed his lips to graze over her throat, stopping at her pulse point.

Bella was already becoming lightheaded and wrapped her arms around him, her fingers clinging to his hair. "Edward…" she moaned in frustration.

"Don't ever say that I don't want you. Ever. If anything, I want you more than I should."

"Then let's try it," she finally begged, moving her mouth over his, allowing her lips to barely brush his. "What's the worst that can happen?"

"I could kill you."

She pulled back and looked him in the eyes. "Then you'll just have to change me right then, no more worries. Either way, it all works out."

Bella had wrapped her legs around Edward's waist, and he now ran his palms up the inside of her thighs. "I'll have to talk to Carlisle first."

"Fine," she panted. "Just make it quick."

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**End Notes: Thanks to everyone who is following this story so far! Please hit that little review button and let me know what you think.**


	3. White Wedding

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who have been reading and reviewing! You comments make my day!**

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_Just make it quick. Just make it quick. Just make it quick._

Edward flopped over on the bed and groaned, Bella's words still ringing in his ears. _Just make it quick._ Never in his life – both mortal and immortal – had he wanted to rip someone's clothes from their body and lick them from head to toe. _Just make it quick._ The double entendre caused pleasurable sensations in his nether regions, but left him feeling as frustrated as a teenager.

_Just make it quick._

Edward had never taken matters into his own hands, so to speak, but at that precise moment, he was certainly considering it and found that, for once, he was grateful he was the mind reader of the family and not someone else. He did not think he could bear the humiliation.

A _human_ had reduced him to a quivering mass of stone, venom and teeth.

But not just any human. Bella.

_Just make it quick._

With a growl of frustration, he jumped from the bed and went in search of Carlisle. Bella was playing hardball, and he was her puppet at this point. There was no way in hell he would ever let another man touch her, and he could not believe how stupid he had been to suggest otherwise. But he had assumed she would immediately disagree and drop the entire subject.

He should have known better.

He knocked on his father's office door. "Carlisle?" he called.

"Come in, Edward," Carlisle answered.

Edward entered the opulent office and sat down in a chair opposite the desk where Carlisle was reading a medical journal. "Are you busy?" Edward asked nervously.

Carlisle set the magazine down. "I'm never too busy for you. What's on your mind?"

He was unsure how to broach the topic. "Nothing in particular," he lied. "I was just curious what you were doing."

Carlisle smiled at him in understanding. "I was reading an article on open heart surgery. I never ceased to be amazed at the things I've seen. I started with rudimentary medicine in the eighteenth century, and I am now alive in a time where it's standard to operate on the heart and keep a low mortality rate. I've thought about returning to school to specialize in the cardiology field."

"It would certainly be an interesting field," Edward agreed. "Bella wants us to be intimate with each other on our honeymoon, and I'm scared I'll kill her," he suddenly blurted.

"Ah," Carlisle said in understanding.

Edward was suddenly standing and began pacing at vampire speed. "I don't know what to do."

Carlisle leaned back in his chair, his face a mask of compassion. "I understand. You've fallen in love with a human who you could easily hurt – or kill – if you grant her wish.

"But it's not in my power to deny her anything. I was even stupid enough to offer to turn a blind eye if she needed that part of her life with someone else."

"And?"

Edward exploded. "And she agreed! No man will ever touch her, or I'll rip his arms off!" He was seething, a low growl echoing in his chest.

Carlisle laughed lightly, causing Edward to turn to look at him. "Son, did it ever occur to you that she agreed only to get a reaction out of you?"

That thought brought him up short. "N-no."

"I've seen the way Bella looks at you, Edward. You have nothing to worry about."

_Just make it quick._

"Yes, I do, Carlisle," he said, his voice full of panic. "She's expecting a real honeymoon, and we get married in two weeks!"

Carlisle nodded in understanding, but remained silent.

Edward sat back down in the chair across from his father. "What do I do? Is it possible?"

He leaned back in his chair. "Well, I've heard of some of our kind mating with humans, such as the succubus."

He groaned. "Yes, but they always kill their…partners."

_Just make it quick._

"But that is the point. The succubus wants both the sexual fulfillment, along with the blood. I would imagine that when those two sensations are combined, it is the most intense experience one of our kind would ever experience."

"But can I maintain control to not kill her? I have to be so careful all of the time to not hurt her, but if…intercourse…is as you say, I'm liable to kill her and not even know it until it's over. I couldn't bear that." He dropped his head in his hands.

Carlisle leaned forward. "Edward, you forget one very important thing."

"What?"

"You love Bella. You've even managed to remain around her even though her blood calls to you more than any other human's. So, I can't see you hurting her at this point in your relationship; I've watched you around her, and you are always cognizant that she is around."

Edward breathed a sigh of relief. "So, you think it would be fine."

Carlisle sighed. "I'm not saying it would not be without difficulties or risks, Edward. But I think that, with how strong your feelings are for Bella, that you would not kill her."

"Just tell me what to do…either yes or no," Edward begged. _Just make it quick!_

"Son, I'm not going to do that. But, I have enough trust in you to know that you would be able to maintain your control. Of course, not being able to hear her thoughts will hinder you."

"So you think we would be safe?"

"I think that if one of our kind were to ever physically be with a human successfully, it would be you and Bella."

xXx

"Bella? It's time," Charlie said, poking his head into Alice's bedroom.

"Time…it's time," she repeated, the butterflies attacking her stomach and causing her hands to shake. She could hear the music drifting up the stairs.

Charlie looked at her sideways. "You okay?"

She nodded numbly. "Alice?"

"You're ready," Alice said, her face shining with excitement. "You look beautiful."

Bella looked down at her satin gown, the long skirt reflecting the light. "Are you sure?"

Alice nodded. "Yep. Now here's something blue and borrowed," she replied, tossing a satin handkerchief edged in blue silk at her. "I want that back."

She nodded in response. "I guess I'm ready, then. Where's Ben?"

"He's downstairs with Edward," Charlie said.

Alice flitted to the door. "You count to five, and then follow me." She was out the door and began her dance down the stairs.

"Ready?" Charlie huffed and held his arm out for Bella to take.

She nodded mutely and took his arm. "Just don't let me fall," she pleaded as they approached the top of the stairs. She had asked Charlie to give her away and he had readily accepted.

He held onto her arm tighter. "I won't."

Bella carefully placed her feet as she walked down the sweeping staircase of the Cullens' home, and when she and Charlie turned the corner, she saw…_him_.

Edward.

Her Prince Charming.

And suddenly, all of her fear and anxiety from being the center of attention vanished. She would soon be joined in holy matrimony to the immortal of her dreams.

Slowly, she and Charlie made their way up the aisle. When she made it to the altar, Ben walked to her other side and took her hand after she handed her bouquet to Alice.

"Who gives this woman in marriage?" the priest asked.

"I do," Charlie replied.

"Me, too," Ben said, clasping his mother's hand tightly.

She hugged Charlie awkwardly, and then bent down to kiss Ben's head. She then allowed Charlie to place her hand in Edward's, and, after that, she saw nothing else except his butterscotch eyes, shining with love for her.

They said the traditional vows, and before she knew it, the priest was pronouncing them man and wife. She gasped when Edward dipped her backwards and kissed her long and hard. She immediately wrapped her arms around him and returned his passion.

She was startled back to reality by chuckles from the audience.

"We seem to be attracting some attention," Edward said with a laugh.

She smiled up at him. "We do."

He placed his forehead against hers. "I love you, Bella."

Her heart soared and she wished she could take flight. She was so happy and light, she almost felt she could. "I love you, too."

They quickly walked back down the aisle and out onto the patio to greet their guests. Alice had also planned the reception, and it looked as if she had spared no expense.

Swarovski crystal champagne flutes.

A water-filled dance floor.

Peach roses that were fresh.

Bella groaned at the lavish expense; it looked as if not a cent had been spared. She figured that the cost of the reception would have paid Ben's college tuition for four years.

"Whaddya think?" Alice asked, causing Bella to jump.

"Alice, it's beautiful, but it's too much," she choked.

Alice just smiled. "No, it's not. This is the most special day of your life, so don't worry about it."

"Where did you find these roses?" The pale peach roses were exquisite and were placed everywhere. Bella guessed there were thousands of them.

"Columbia."

"South Carolina?" Bella asked, surprised. Maybe this reception was not as costly as she had feared.

Alice laughed. "No, silly. Columbia, South _America_."

Bella gulped. "You bought flowers from South America?"

"Yep. It's the only place these roses are grown. I had them shipped fresh."

"Wow." Bella continued to look around and was amazed. It really was beautiful and every little girl's dream wedding. The tables were covered with pale peach tablecloths with creamy, transparent gauze over lays, and the place settings were in a cream and white china by Lenox. The centerpieces were made from hundreds of the fresh roses that had been shipped from South America. Peachy gauze linens were draped from the ceiling along with hundreds of twinkle lights. Bella felt as if she had been transported to a fairy land.

"Alice, please tell me you didn't buy all of this stuff."

"Of course I did. Now quit worrying about it. Your guests are arriving."

Bella shook hands and received hugs from her friends from the hospital as well as people she had no idea who they were. She assumed they were acquaintances of the Cullens. Finally, once the receiving line had dwindled, the DJ announced that it was time for the first dance.

Bella walked with Edward gingerly out onto the dance floor. The tiles were filled with a gel that resembled water and that moved when you placed your foot down. She felt as if she was dancing with Edward on the ocean, and as enchanting as it was, it disoriented her equilibrium a bit. "Don't let me fall or trip," she whispered to him, causing him to hold her a bit tighter.

"You won't," he whispered in her ear, making goose bumps erupt down her arms. "Mrs. Cullen. I like the sound of that."

"I do too," she whispered, suddenly shy.

Their dance was over all too quickly, but then Bella attempted to dance with Ben. He had made her promise that once she finished with Edward, that he would be next. Edward lifted him into her arms and she moved in a small circle with him, so as not to trip on her dress and send them both stumbling to the floor.

"Mommy?" Ben asked, his head on her shoulder.

"What baby?"

"Does this mean that Edward is my daddy, now?"

Bella was not sure how to answer. "Do you want him to be?"

Ben pulled his head up and his brown eyes met hers. "Yeah. I love Edward, and he's nice to us."

She hugged him tightly. "Yes, he loves us."

He sighed happily. "Awesome. Now I got a daddy, too, just like Jackson." Jackson was his best friend at daycare.

"You do," she agreed.

"May I cut in," Charlie asked, clearing his throat.

Ben giggled. "'Course, Granpa Charlie." Ben wiggled his way down and Bella sat him on his feet. "I'm gonna go find my new daddy."

Charlie looked uncomfortable, but held his arms up in standard waltz fashion. "You happy?" he asked as they moved in just a slightly bigger circle than she had with Ben. Charlie's dancing repertoire was no better than her own.

Bella sighed. "Yes, I am. Charlie, thank you so much for everything you did for me and Ben when we first arrived," she said, feeling her face flush crimson at her embarrassment of emotional sharing. "And for everything you still do."

"Ah," he replied, his own face turning red. "It's nothing. You know I'd do anything for you and that kid. It's going to be awful lonesome now, with the two of you gone."

"We'll just be down the road." She wondered how long they would actually have with Charlie if she chose an immortal life. She could not trust herself to not hurt him, and she would not put him at risk. But the thought of taking Ben away from the only grandfather he had ever known was almost more painful than she thought she could bear.

She cleared her throat as they continued to move in a circle. "We…love you, you know. As a dad and granddad."

His moustache twitched. "Love you too, Bells," he said gruffly, and did not say another word through their dance, but Bella could tell from his face that he was pleased as punch.

At the end of the dance, Carlisle approached her, followed by Emmett then Jasper. She was happy to finally be back in Edward's arms.

"You told me you didn't dance," he teased, eyes twinkling.

She laughed, allowing him to spin her around the dance floor. His dancing skills were very superior to her own. "I don't."

"Looks to me like you are doing a fine job, Mrs. Cullen."

"Only with you leading me, Mr. Cullen."

They spent the next few hours with their friends and family, doing the traditional wedding tasks. Edward dutifully swallowed his bite of the wedding cake, and she was glad he was above shoving her bite in her face. She threw her bouquet, which Angela caught, and Edward carefully removed her garter with his teeth, being careful to not nick her skin. He threw it and everyone laughed when Ben, Angela's boyfriend, caught it. They both endured some good-natured teasing.

Finally, it was time for the new couple to depart and Bella was pulled reluctantly into the house by Alice to change. She was just fine in Edward's arms, thank you very much.

Alice had laid out a new dress for her to wear when they left. She and Esme helped Bella out of her wedding gown, promising her they would take care of having it cleaned and preserved.

"Alice? Do you know where Edward is taking me on our honeymoon?"

She shook her head. "Yes, of course, but I can't tell you or he'll kill me."

"Well, tell me this then. Do you see us having a…normal honeymoon?" she asked, her face flaming. She hoped Alice would not see _all_ of the details.

Alice cocked her head to one side. "Don't worry, Bella. He's been obsessing about this for weeks…and you won't be disappointed," she said with a sly smile.

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**End Notes: I'd be grateful if you give me some love! Let me know what you think!**


	4. Good Vibrations

**A/N: Well, here it is. The honeymoon scene many of you have been waiting for since the first story! I'm a bit nervous about it, but am posting it anyway! Your feedback would be much appreciated.**

**Thanks to Eternally Cullen for pre-reading this for me and giving me some feedback on the citrus! You are the best!**

**Also, check me out on Facebook at www (dot) facebook (dot) com (backslash) home (dot) php under Lisa Dawn Fanfiction. I'll be posting some pictures of the honeymoon getaway tomorrow. **

**Of course, I own nothing related to Twilight except for the books and movies. Stephenie Meyer owns it all – I'm just playing with it for my own amusement.**

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_Where is he taking me?_ Bella thought as she stood in the first-class line at Seattle's international airport. Alice had packed her bag, so she did not even know what type of climate they were going to.

She had just gotten off the phone with Ben, telling him good night. He was going to stay with Charlie over the weekend, and then he would be staying with the Cullens, then back with Charlie for the weekend. Edward had made arrangements for a week, so she at least knew when she would be home.

The ticket attendant whisked their bags away and handed Edward their boarding passes. "Have a nice flight," she said with a smile.

"Thank you."

"Where are we going?"

He just gave her her favorite crooked smile and led her toward security.

"Edward, really. The suspense is killing me."

"You look healthy enough to me."

She scowled at him. "Isn't it time the secret it out? You had your fun. I am at the airport with no idea where we're going, so don't you think you can tell me now?"

He just smiled at her and leaned down to kiss her. "Nope."

Bella groaned.

Suddenly, the gate attendant made an announcement. "First class passengers for flight 1050, Seattle to Dallas/Fort Worth, may begin boarding at this time."

"Dallas?"

Edward picked up the carry-on bag and took Bella's hand, leading her to the line that was forming. "Just a stop on the way. We change planes there."

"For where?"

He just grinned at her and handed the boarding passes to the attendant.

"Have a nice flight, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen," she said, slightly breathless.

Bella's stomach flipped to hear her new name now linked with that of her husband. She boarded the plane with Edward and quickly took her seat. She glanced around, seeing mostly sleepy people who were settling in for the five hour flight. She fastened her seatbelt and then snuggled up to Edward, laying her head on his chest.

"Tired?"

She nodded. "I think the adrenaline rush is wearing off."

He wrapped his arms around her. "Then, sleep, my darling Bella."

She slept through the entire first leg of their flight and was led through the terminal in Dallas toward another terminal. She fully awakened when she saw the destination.

"Fort Lauderdale? Edward, we're getting much closer to Jacksonville than I'd prefer." She had not heard from Eric's mother since the day they had seen each other in Seattle, but she did not want to wander into the lion's den, either.

He shook his head. "Don't worry about it. Just another stop."

She looked at him curiously, but knew he would not give their destination away. "Okay."

In Fort Lauderdale, he pulled her to yet another terminal which, this time, required her passport.

"The Bahamas?" she asked excitedly. She had longed for sun and surf for a while.

He laughed. "Busted."

"Oh, Edward," she cried and flung her arms around him, kissing him passionately. "I've always wanted to go to the Bahamas. But what about the sun?" she asked in a low voice.

"Don't worry about it," was the only reply she received.

In Fort Lauderdale, they boarded a Boeing 737 – first class, of course – and Bella was excited that she was going to be honeymooning on Nassau. However, when they landed, Edward again pulled her to another terminal.

"Edward, where in the world are we going?" she asked, surprised. "We're here."

He grinned at her. "Not quite."

In Nassau, they boarded a small plane that only held a handful of passengers. A voice overhead – she assumed it was the captain – announced, "Welcome to Bahamasair. We are scheduled to leave on time and will be arriving in Arthur's Town, Cat Island, within an hour."

She raised her eyebrows. "Cat's Island? What's in Cat's Island?"

"You'll see."

Bella spent the hour on the commuter plane looking down at the crystalline blue water that was almost transparent. She did not recall ever seeing water so beautiful. The reefs made dark smudges in the water, but in other areas, she felt she could actually see sand below the water.

After an hour on the commuter plane, Edward finally pulled her past the security gate at the small airport and collected their bags. "We're here," he announced.

"Good. So where are we staying?" she asked, thinking of a hotel. She felt her disappointment flood through her at the thought, but tried to repress it. Edward had just given her a fabulous honeymoon in the Bahamas and all she was worried about was the fact she could not see Edward attempting to make love to her with another person just on the other side of the wall. _Don't be so selfish,_ she admonished herself.

"You'll see," he said cryptically.

They were met by a man wearing an old fishing hat and a brilliant white smile. "Welcome to Cat Island," he said with a Jamaican accent. "You are Mr. Cullen, no?"

"Yes, I'm Edward Cullen. You must be Jacques."

"Indeed I am, sir. If you will follow me, please." He picked up their luggage and led them to an older model Mercedes. "I will take you to your house and help you get settled. Everything is as you asked for it."

They then took a ten minute car ride and suddenly were pulling up in front of an opulent beach house with a bright blue roof. "Here we are," Jacques said cheerfully.

He assisted them with taking their luggage inside, and gave them a brief tour of the house. He then laid the key in Edward's hand and bid them good-bye.

Bella was speechless. Never had she seen such a beautiful home, except for the Cullens' house in Forks. The walls were natural cypress wood, pale floor tiles paved the floors and the ceiling showed exposed cypress beams. The kitchen cabinets were the same wood, except with black granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances. But the best part was the backyard. It was full of tropical foliage and had its own tiki hut right on the private beach. The ocean stretched for miles out until it met the horizon and the aqua blue was so clear, Bella knew she'd be able to see the bottom of the ocean.

"Oh, Edward," she whispered. It's absolutely beautiful. How did you find it?"

He grinned sheepishly. "I'm glad you like it. I found it through a colleague at the hospital. We have it for the whole week."

"I bet Ben would love it," she sighed and then jumped up. She had slept on both flights across the country, but now it was morning in Forks and she needed to check on him. "Can I see your phone?"

She quickly called Charlie who answered groggily. "Hey, Bells! So where did you end up?"

"The Bahamas. Edward rented a beach house and it's fantastic."

"Was the flight okay?"

She quickly updated him on their flight and then told him about the house. He said he was impressed. "Is Ben up where I can talk to him?"

She waited for a second before the sound of her son's voice came over the line. "Mommy! Where you at?"

"Hey, buddy. Edward and I are in the Bahamas. We're pretty close to Florida." She wanted to give him an idea of where she was.

"I miss you, Mom, but Granpa Charlie let me stay up last night and watch a baseball game wif him."

"How late did you stay up?"

"I dunno. But I just woke up."

She smiled. "I take it you're having fun with Charlie?"

Ben giggled. "Yep. We're going fishing today! But Granpa said I gotta wear a live jacket."

"You mean a life jacket?"

"That what I said."

She laughed. "Okay, baby. You just be careful and have fun and be good."

"I will, Mom. Can I talk to daddy?"

"Sure. I love you and I'll see you next week."

"I love you too, Mommy. Bye."

She handed the phone to Edward. "He wants to talk to you," she said with a smile.

Edward's face lit up like the sun. He quickly took the phone. "Hey, buddy. What are you doing?"

He listened intently. "Uh huh. So, you're going fishing with Charlie? Well, I hope you catch a big one. I miss you, too. Of course we'll bring you a present back. Okay, I love you, too, Ben. Be good." He handed the phone back to Bella. "Charlie wants to talk to you again."

She quickly finished the conversation with Charlie, ensuring that he had their numbers in case of emergency. When she disconnected the call, she sighed.

"He'll be fine, love."

Bella smiled at him. "I know, but I've never been away from him before. It's just…different."

Edward wrapped his arms around her, brushing his lips against hers softly. "I know. But he's going to have a great time with Charlie, and my family is more anxious than I've ever seen them to have him stay. He'll be spoiled rotten."

"I know. It's just _different_."

He brushed her hair back. "He's in the best of hands."

She closed her eyes at the sensation of his cool fingers caressing her face and neck. "I've got to go take a shower, Edward. That long of a flight… I feel really gross. I need some human time," she said, digging through her bag for her things, partly because she really did feel gross, mostly to hide her face from him. She was suddenly nervous as a teenager.

Edward, however, was more astute than she thought as he knew what she was doing. Bella, however, was quicker than he gave her credit for as she had turned and trotted off to the bathroom before he could reach her. He let out a sigh, and then followed her.

She had taken her bathing items out of her quart-sized bag and placed them in the glass-enclosed shower, allowing herself to gawk at the magnificence of the bathroom. The entire room was amazing. She was just preparing to pull her shirt over her head when the door opened.

"Let me help," Edward said, a husky undertone to his voice.

Bella slowly allowed her hands to fall back to her sides, silently giving him permission, silently thanking him for not making her voice it out loud. He knew she was not a virgin – she had a child for God's sake – but they had not really discussed her prior sex life. She had not thought it proper dinner conversation. But the truth was, she was scared to death and had no idea where to begin. Why had she thought this was a good idea?

Edward had seemed to lose all of his misgivings as he slowly skimmed his hands up her bare arms, cool fingers causing a pleasurable shiver to run down her spine. He then cupped her jaw, tilting her face up to his. "Is this okay?" he asked her, his lips millimeters from hers, his cool breath making her lips tremble. Soothing her. Reassuring her. This was familiar.

She nodded, unable to speak. She was petrified, she could admit it. She was frightened mostly because she just did not know what to do. "I'm scared," she whispered, almost hoping he wouldn't hear her, knowing that if he did, he might just drive them right back to the airport as she had been pushing for this for weeks.

He stroked his thumb over her cheek, the other hand buried in her hair, gently massaging her scalp. "It's okay. I'm nervous, too."

She looked up at him and he nodded.

"I'm terrified I'm going to do something to hurt you."

She gave him a tremulous smile. She could do this. She _wanted_ to do this. "You won't hurt me, Edward. I know you won't."

Edward shook his head at that statement. "Promise me that you'll tell me if anything even remotely hurts. Does that help?" he asked, dimming the lights so that she could only see his shadowy outline. She gave him a thankful smile, grateful for his ability to sense her awkwardness.

"Yes, thank you," she said, then lifted her arms as he pulled her shirt over her head.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Bella? We don't have to."

She stared up at his shadow, barely able to make out his features in the shadowy bathroom and she knew she wanted to. "I'm sure."

He cupped her face with his hands again, this time drawing her up to him and pressing his mouth to hers. The moment they touched, Bella felt electric shocks shoot throughout her entire body, originating in her lower abdomen.

Feeling her pliability, Edward ran his tongue over her lips and she instantly opened her mouth to grant him access. Of course, he did not accept the invitation for fear she would cut herself on his razor-sharp teeth. She felt him shudder as her hands came up to fist in his hair. Point for her.

Momentarily, she felt Edward's hands begin to skim down her sides and come around to cup her breasts, brushing his thumbs over her nipples, his hands shaking. The sensation of cold through silk was enough to elicit a moan from her throat, encouraging him to continue. Edward gently pushed her up against the wall, her skin protesting about touching the cold tile, but the coldness of Edward's hands undoing the clasp on her bra set her skin on fire.

"Oh, God, Edward," she moaned when he removed her bra and replaced his hands with his mouth, his lips gently brushing around her nipples which were harder than she could ever remember. She ran her hands through his hair, pulling and tugging with all her might.

Edward chuckled. "Hang on," he said and left her panting against the wall. She wondered what he was doing, and then heard him turning on the shower. "You said something about needing a shower,'' he said suggestively.

"Oh, um, uhm-hm,'' she muttered, unable to shift gears so quickly. She started to unbutton her pants to take her shower, her mind a puddle of goo, when she felt Edward's hands over hers. "You're sure?" he murmured in her ear, causing her to shiver all over.

"Oh, God,'' she groaned, feeling him pull her pants and underwear down at once, leaving her completely naked. She dodged into the shower, leaving him outside to remove his clothing. The shower was a masterpiece of which she would probably never see again, but so was the man now standing before her, shower spray from both nozzles bouncing off his granite back and shoulders. He pushed her up against the marble wall, his lips moving over the soft skin of her neck and chest, while at the same time running his fingers up her inner thigh, causing her knees to give way. Edward caught her easily and cupped her, causing her to moan and bite down on his shoulder, the muscle slab underneath her teeth moving with his movements. She cried out his name as he slid one finger into her, and then added another, letting his own moan flow through his teeth.

"Edward, please," she begged, and knew that in any other situation with anyone else, she would have been ashamed of herself for begging, but she couldn't help it. She would beg and plead with him until he ended this sweet torture. She knew it hadn't been more than five minutes since he had walked into the bathroom, but it felt like a lifetime, and she thought she would spontaneously combust if he didn't touch her in just the way she needed. "Please."

Edward forced her to look into his eyes and knew that while she was in a lust-fogged condition, she also knew what she wanted. "Your wish is my command," he said with a smirk, causing her to roll her eyes. Whether it was in exasperation or passion, he wasn't sure. He spread her legs, his hands supporting her bottom and thighs, and she automatically wrapped them around his waist. His hands were shaking harder.

"Oh, please, Edward, please," she moaned, pushing herself around, trying to get him inside of her.

"Bella, hang on a second," he said, trying to bring her back to earth, although very reluctantly.

"Hmm?" she asked, eyes closed, head lolling around against the marble shower wall.

"Promise me you'll tell me if I hurt you."

She opened her eyes and blinked, trying to process what he was asking. Huh? Oh. "Yes, Edward, I promise," she said.

"Okay," he said, "I'll be easy, I just don't want to lose control and hurt you," he said, stretching her with his fingers, and earning himself a smile from Bella along with a sigh.

"Please, Edward," she said again, needing more than his fingers. She could feel his hands shaking, could tell how nervous he was, but she was too far gone to care. He was doing just fine, thank you very much.

He knew she was ready. He positioned himself at her entrance and slowly pushed forward. Bella moaned. Edward groaned. It was better than she ever could have imagined. She felt him fill her completely and for the first time in her life she felt complete.

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**End Notes: I know that I strayed a bit away from canon, which I try not to do, but the Isle Esme thing has been done to death and I just felt that I needed to change it. Don't shoot me!**


	5. River of Dreams

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has left me love on this story. Every review just gives me warm fuzzies all over!**

**Don't forget to check me out on Facebook under Lisa Dawn Fanfiction. I'm also now on Twitter under LisaDawn75. I'll be posting updates, sneak peaks, and juicy tidbits there once I know some of you are following me! So friend me and/or follow me!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. I'm just borrowing them for some enjoyment.**

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_Bella skidded around a boulder and stopped. In front of her was the most magnetic, yet the most frightening sight, she had ever seen._

_A man, yet no normal man. He was dressed in a black silk cape, but Bella noticed no more. All she could see were his eyes. They were the color of the sun as it rose above the horizon every morning – a ball of red fire. And those eyes of fire were burning straight into her. Burning her. She should be scared… she should run. Any second now…_

_And she did run – straight to the strange man in the black silk cape with the fiery eyes. The moment his icy skin touched hers, she felt as if an electric charge had been set off in the center of her stomach, radiating out to all of her limbs, numbing her brain and setting her heart to pounding._

_He smiled, displaying a set of cliché fangs, and Bella understood what this man meant to do. He was going to drink her blood. She should be scared. And she was… a little. But it only added to the adrenaline rush she was feeling adding to the arousal she felt at the simple touch of his fingers. _

_Every girl wanted a bad boy…right?_

_But what was she missing? The knowledge that she had lost something continued to tug at her memory, but when the man with the fangs stroked a finger down her cheek, the tugging stopped, and her knees turned to jelly._

_He smiled a big, toothy smile, allowing the moonlight to glint off of his fangs, and Bella felt her stomach drop in anticipation and fear. What little bit of common sense remained in her befuddled mind told her she needed to get the hell out of there, but with the gentle caress against her jugular, she willingly tilted her head back, allowing him full access to his meal._

_And suddenly, she saw what she had been missing._

Bella woke with a start. She had been having that damn dream repeatedly, and it continued to worry her. She tried to brush it off as just being tired, but she was not stupid. She knew what the dream meant, however, she tried to put it out of her mind.

This was easily accomplished as Edward was lying underneath her, his fingers trailing up and down her spine.

"Mmmm…good morning," she said with a smile.

He returned her smile. "Good morning. Were you having a bad dream?"

_Oh, God! What did I say?_ "Um, well, not a bad one exactly. Did I… say something?"

"You just kept muttering 'no, no, no' over and over." He pulled his hands behind his head, lacing his fingers together.

Bella had never seen such an appealing sight. She moved slightly, checking for soreness. She recalled how, after the first time they had made love, she had found Edward sitting outside that next morning, sulking. She would not have even noticed the bruising if he had not pointed it out. Bella had wondered if he would ever touch her again, but she had to give Alice credit. The flimsy articles of clothing – if some could even be called clothing – had appealed to his testosterone, and he had only been able to keep his hands off of her for approximately 12 hours. She was pleased that she did not notice any muscle pain today.

"You seem to be well, from my perspective, anyway," Edward said. "I'm getting much better at controlling myself with you."

She smirked. "I'm typically not one to say 'I told you so,' but, I told you so."

He laughed lightly. "Yes, you did."

"So you don't know everything."

He shrugged. "Everyone has their fallacies. This just happened to be mine."

Bella sat up, clutching the sheet to her chest. "_This_ is not a fallacy."

"I'm just saying that I'm not an expert in this… area."

She giggled. "Well, you will be with practice." She waggled her eyebrows at him suggestively.

"Practice, huh?" He turned her over so that he was looming over her, his butterscotch eyes sparkling. "I think that can –"

He was cut off by the ringing of the phone.

"Hello?" he said, continuing to grin at Bella. "What? Ben, slow down… Benjamin."

Bella had lost all pretense of play at that point. What had occurred that Esme would make an international call for Ben while his mother was on her honeymoon? She had just spoken to him last night.

Edward pushed the button for the speaker. "Slow down, and tell us what's wrong."

Bella thought he sounded as if he were hyperventilating. "Ben? What is it?" she asked worriedly. He had stopped having his nightmares once Edward had come into their lives, and Edward had done several months of counseling with him to help him recover from the verbal abuse Eric had subjected him to, along with the sight of the physical abuse Bella had suffered at Eric's hands. She wondered now if their absence had triggered a relapse.

Ben continued crying over the phone, and Bella had never felt so helpless. She could tell from the look on Edward's face that he felt the same.

"M-m-mommy," he cried.

"What is it, baby?"'

"Un-uncle Em-Em-Emmett."

Edward rolled his eyes, anger evident on his face. "What did he do?"

They heard Ben sniff. "H-he told me to-to stop."

Edward's face became furious. "Let me talk to him."

"What happened, Ben?" Bella asked firmly, eying Edward.

"I-I was p-playing s-soccer in the l-living room," he whispered, hiccupping.

"Oh," Edward replied, chagrined. Bella knew that he had been ready to tear into Emmett without getting the entire story, and, as it turned out, Emmett had been right after all.

She sighed. "Ben, you know better than to play games inside. You could have broken a window." She could imagine the entire living room wall shattering and shuddered.

"I know," he whispered, barely discernable.

"You need to tell Uncle Emmett you're sorry."

"'Kay." They suddenly heard the phone drop and the scuffling of Ben's feet on the carpet as he ran off. Then, Esme picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Is he all right?" Edward asked. Bella rolled her eyes.

"Of course. He was just upset. Emmett's never fussed at him before. I'm sorry to have bothered you two, but he was so upset…"

Edward growled, and Bella put a restraining hand on his arm. "Thank you, Esme. Call us back if you need to."

They disconnected the call, and Bella looked at Edward silently, her eyebrow raised.

"What?"

"What was that all about? You were ready to rip Emmett apart without his side of the story?"

"He yelled at Ben."

"No one said that he yelled at him. He fussed at him with good reason."

Edward glared silently. Finally he spoke. "It's not his job."

She sighed. "Edward, he was playing ball in the house."

"It's not his job," he said stubbornly.

"Edward, Ben's not perfect. He just turned four…he's a kid and kids mess up."

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "He's just so little, Bella."

She laughed lightly. "I know he is, but he's still a boy. And he's going to get into trouble."

"I just can't imagine him doing anything wrong."

She rolled her eyes again. "All right. How about the time that he painted the bathroom walls with my eye shadow? Or the phase when he kept flushing his Transformers? Or how about the time he drew all over himself with a highlighter?"

Edward was trying not to laugh. "Why would he flush his toys?"

She chuckled at the memory. "He said they wanted to go swimming. I ended up having to call a plumber. Of course, Eric wasn't happy." She involuntarily shuddered at the memory.

Edward's eyes darkened at her mention of Eric. "What did he do?" he growled.

Bella noticed Edward's change of mood and smiled. "Never mind. It's no longer important," she said, trying to pull him out to the beach. "Let's go swimming."

"You're changing the subject."

She nodded. "Yep. No point in getting upset, Edward. It's our honeymoon. Now, come on. I wanna go swimming." She flung the sheet off and ran into the bathroom, Edward hot on her heels.

xXx

"Bella! I'm so glad you're back!" Angela Weber squealed, hugging her in the locker room. "The wedding was just beautiful."

Bella hugged her back. She had always like Angela. "It's good to be back. And thanks so much for coming. Edward and I really appreciated it."

"What I want to know about is the honeymoon," Jessica Stanley said with a grin. "Spill it."

She felt her face flush. "Edward rented a house for us in the Bahamas. It was beautiful, and the water was so clear! The water in Florida was warm, but always so murky."

"Oh, come on, Bella! You gotta do better than that," Jessica said. "Every girl in this hospital has been dying to land Dr. Edward Cullen, so you've got to let us know how he was."

Bella felt her mouth hanging open. What? She _owed_ the female employees of Forks Community Hospital a smut-filled recounting of _her_ honeymoon because she was the one to _land_ Edward? Because they all had their own wet dreams about her husband, and they wanted to know if their dreams measured up? Oh, hell no.

"Jessica!" Angela said with a gasp. "How could you? Bella, you don't have to tell us anything you don't want to."

Bella offered her a smile of gratitude."Thanks. And believe me, that part of the trip is for my memories, only," she said firmly, looking at Jessica as she said it.

"Hm," Jessica replied. "Well, speaking of Florida, there was a woman here asking for you by the name of Anna."

Bella felt her face turn white. "Wh-what? I don't know an-an Anna," she lied.

Jessica smiled meanly. "Oh, no. Her name was Carolyn Anderson. She was actually looking for her son, but she asked for you. She called you Anna. The funny thing is…a few months ago, her son asked me the same question. And he called you Anna."

"He did?" she squeaked. She wished in that moment that she had been a better liar.

Jessica nodded. "Yep. Which is odd considering that you're known around here as Bella. Why would you change your name?"

_God, she was a nosy little witch today._ Bella felt the familiar stirrings of panic welling up within her but worked to suppress it. It would not behoove her to have a panic attack in the nurses' locker room. "People change their names all of the time, Jessica," she said, attempting to make her voice smooth.

"Oh, they do not. It's hard enough to do it if you get married and just change your last name."

Bella was beginning to feel queasy. Just the thought of Eric was enough to set her on edge, even though the bastard was dead. But now, his mother was poking around, asking for her. Of course, she would come looking for her darling boy. It did not matter that he was a drunken asshole who beat the shit out of her on a daily basis. It did not matter that his parents had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on supporting him through medical school, and he blew that by falsifying prescriptions, resulting in his medical license being suspended. It did not matter that he went through his savings like water and that his parents continued to spend thousands of dollars every month so he could maintain his lavish lifestyle even while he was not working.

He was still her darling boy… and he had been missing for several months now. So, of course she would be looking for him.

And she had seen Bella – Anna – in Seattle on that fateful day and would assume that was where he had gone.

What she did not know was that Bella's then boyfriend, now husband, was a full-blown vampire, and that he and his brothers had dispatched Eric to the lowest circle of Hell, and then disposed of all evidence so he would never be found.

But she could not tell Mrs. Anderson that.

And she did feel sympathy toward the woman. After all, Eric was her son – sick, sadistic monster that he was – and he was missing. She thought about Ben and how she would feel if one day she had no idea where he was or what had happened to him.

She was not sure what to do, so she did the first thing that came to her mind. She ran out of the locker room and into the elevator to the fourth floor.

She had to find Edward.


	6. I Love, You Love

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for their reviews on the last chapter; you guys are wonderful. Here is the latest installment – it does contain some lovin', so if you'd prefer not to read that, then skip the end. Just warnin' ya!**

**Also, Deliver Me From Evil has been nominated for a Vampie award in the Bloody Brilliant category, so if you loved the first story, please go visit www (dot) twificpics (dot) com (backslash) vampawards and cast your vote for it. I would really appreciate it, and to whoever nominated it, I give a big THANKS and a bowl of chocolate.**

**And, as always, I don't own Twilight, all I own are Ben, Eric, and Carolyn. Everything else belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

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"Bella, love, calm down," Edward said soothingly, watching her pace maddeningly across his office floor. He had been in a group therapy session when Bella had paged him, so he had asked one of the nurses to request that she wait in his office until he was finished. He had returned to find a path almost worn into the industrial carpet where she had been walking from one window to another.

"Don't tell me to calm down, Edward! She's found me! And she knows something has happened to… you know."

Edward had to physically step in front of her to stop her pacing. "What can she do, Bella? You've told me that while she was clueless to her son's faults, she was never outright mean to you or Ben. I've been expecting that someone would show up looking for him sooner or later."

She stared at him with wide, brown eyes, the normal sparkle replaced with anxiety. "Why? Why would you expect that?" She was panicking, and her common sense had flown out of the window.

"Bella, he went missing. Of course, his family is going to become concerned. And he had to have told someone where he was going, booked a flight on a credit card, spoken with people in the area. So naturally, his family would look for him."

Bella finally collapsed on the brown, leather couch and put her face in her hands. "Oh, God. So what do we do?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? Jessica's already asking questions about me changing my name and –"

"Forget Jessica Stanley," he said angrily. "It's none of her damn business, anyway, so don't worry about her."'

Bella worried her lower lip between her teeth, running her hands through her hair. "But Jessica has a big mouth, so the whole hospital is liable to know about it before the day is out, especially after I didn't tell her –" She stopped abruptly.

Edward was intrigued. "Tell her what?"

Bella's face flushed a bright red color, and Edward could see the blood swishing through the vessels that lay underneath her skin. It was such a beautiful sight.

"Nothing."

"Bella, I'll hear it in her thoughts, so you might as well tell me."

She sighed. "Fine," she said through gritted teeth. "She got angry with me when I wouldn't give her details of our honeymoon."

Edward was confused. "Details? Why would she want details?"

Bella stood up again, her agitation evident in her actions. "Yes, details! She wanted to know about _our_ freaking sex life, Edward! And when I wouldn't tell her, she got pissed at me, told me about Carolyn's visit, and started asking about me changing my name. So I'm sure that to get back at me, she'll tell the whole hospital that I have a _past_."

"Why would Jessica Stanley care about our sex life?" He had been privy to many women's thoughts about him over the years, but he could not imagine why one would want to know about him _and_ Bella.

She rolled her eyes. "You really are oblivious to the effect you have on women, aren't you? Because every female in this hospital would like to have their wicked way with you, so now they'll want details from me."

Edward knew that had blood replaced the venom in his system, his face would have been as red as Bella's a few moments ago. "Oh."

"I'm just going to give my notice," she said suddenly.

That brought Edward back to reality. "Why?"

"Because I'm going to be the entire rumor mill of Forks Hospital!"

Edward took her into his arms and brushed his lips across her hair, letting his breath escape down her cheek to assist in calming her. "Bella, you know that if you want to quit work and stay home with Ben, you have my total support. But don't quit what you love doing over this. Don't let Jessica push you out."

"I might as well go ahead and give my notice, Edward. Now that we're back from our honeymoon, you'll be changing me soon, and there's no way I'll be able to work in a hospital for a long time, if ever."

He stilled, listening to the beautiful sound of her pounding heart. Stilling that heart from beating seemed to be the cardinal sin. "Bella, love, there's no need to rush…"

She inhaled deeply, breathing his scent in. "I don't want to wait. I want to be with you, forever."

"You already are; we're married – for eternity. There isn't any reason for this –"

"Edward, you promised. I want this."

He stared at her shrewdly. "Are you sure? And what about Ben? Huh? I know that you think you want this, but have you really given a thought as to how he would be affected?"

She disentangled herself from his embrace and stood up angrily. "Of course I have, Edward. I'm his mother. And I know that I'll have to leave him for a while, but with the way our lives seem to go, I think it's for the best. I need to be able to protect him and me."

"Bella, you are the only stability that boy has ever known. How do you think he'll react if you leave him for a year, maybe more?"

"It won't be that long," she said stubbornly. "I'll get control sooner, knowing that I need to return to him."

He sighed. She was so stubborn. "But what if he's scared of you when you get back? You _will_ be noticeably different."

"He's not scared of you."

"Because this is the only way he's ever known me. But you are warm and soft with beautiful brown eyes and the endearing clumsiness that he's inherited from you. When you return, you will be cold and hard with bright red eyes, and the clumsiness will be gone. You will be you, but at the same time, you won't be."

She sat behind his desk and pointed at his desk calendar. "This day, right here. This is the day I want it done."

He realized that the scare from Mrs. Anderson showing up at the hospital had pushed her beyond reasoning. "When?"

"October first."

He shook his head. "No."

She glared at him. "And why not?"

He sighed again. "Don't you want to spend Christmas with Ben, one more time as a human? And don't you want to have one last Christmas with Charlie, before we have to leave?"

"Leave?"

"We've been over this before, Bella. Once you're changed, we'll have to leave Forks. You will be too different, and everyone would notice. Us… this is the only way they know us… but you? They would immediately see that something was wrong, and we can't risk that. And that means that you'll have to leave Charlie as well."

"Then I'll call him."

"You're voice will be too different."

She sighed. "Then I'll put a fucking handkerchief over the receiver. Stop trying to dissuade me, because it's not going to work. But fine. January first, then."

He nodded reluctantly. That still gave him three months to get Bella to change her mind.

xXx

_Three Months Later_

"Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas," Ben shouted, leaping in between Bella and Edward on the bed. "Edward, you're already up."

He laughed at Ben's excitement. "I heard you coming, buddy. And why are you up so early?"

"'Cause it's Christmas, silly," Ben said with a giggle and started tugging on Bella's arm, trying to wake her up. "Come on, Mom! Let's go! Let's go see if Santa came!"

Bella cracked her eyes open. "What time is it?" she grumbled.

"Five a.m., Scrooge," Edward teased.

"Oh, God," she groaned. "I'll be so glad when I don't need sleep anymore."

Edward remained silent. Over the last three months, he had done everything within his power to persuade Bella to alter her choice. He had dazzled her, bribed her with jewelry and new cars, poured on the guilt trip… but, nothing fazed her. She would just tell him all she wanted was to spend her life with Ben and Edward for eternity.

He had finally resigned himself to the fact that Bella would not change her mind, and so, he had been focusing on Ben's well-being, trying to prepare him for his and Bella's temporary departure from his life.

From listening to Ben's thoughts, he knew that Ben still did not quite grasp the concept of what he was explaining. Ben kept imagining that they would be gone a short period of time – as on their honeymoon – and then return very soon. Edward was worried about how a long separation would impact the boy, especially after how much trauma he had endured at the hands of Eric.

If only Bella would wait.

Carolyn Anderson, Eric's mother, had not been back to Forks Community Hospital, which had Bella even more concerned. For weeks, she had been waiting for the police to show up looking for her. She did not believe Edward when he told her she had done nothing wrong in leaving Eric. Edward wished that he could kill Eric again for the hold he still managed to maintain over Bella. Even from beyond the grave, Bella was convinced that Eric would wreck havoc in her life. He assured her that Eric's body would never be found and she need not be worried.

Bella had remained on edge with the specter of Carolyn constantly hanging over her head, along with Jessica constantly badgering her wanting to know about her name change and her past. Bella had not been able to handle all of the stress, and so, a month after returning to work from her honeymoon, she had turned in her resignation.

"Mooommm," Ben whined, continuing to tug at her arm. "Let's go!"

Bella rubbed at her eyes and sat up. "All right," she said with a laugh.

Edward picked Ben up, and the three of them descended the stairs of Charlie's house. As a wedding gift, Esme had remodeled a small, stone cottage on the Cullens' property for them as their very own, but they had stayed with Charlie over Christmas Eve. Bella knew that this would be the last Christmas she would have with him, and she wanted to make the most of it.

"Merry Christmas, Granpa Charlie," Ben hollered as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

Charlie laughed. "Merry Christmas, Ben. What are you doing up so early?"

"Did Santa come?" Ben asked quietly, worry evident in his voice.

Charlie was solemn. "I don't know. I didn't see anything else over there, but maybe you better look since you counted the presents a hundred times last night."

Ben wiggled down from Edward's arms. "Okay." He scurried over to the Christmas tree and shouted. "He came! He came! Look, Mommy! Look, Daddy! Look Granpa! Look what Santa brought me!" he yelled, pointing at a shiny silver computer. "I got a c'mputer!"

Edward laughed loudly and pulled Bella in for a kiss. Everyone in the family had put money toward Santa's gift of the computer built especially for children. It was loaded with educational games, some fun games, children's movies, and most importantly, safety blocks. Bella had not wanted to buy Ben such an extravagant present, but Edward had argued that if they all split the cost between them, it would not be that much, plus, it would help him get ready for school. She had finally agreed, not able to turn down his enthusiasm for his first Christmas as a father.

He had also planned to use it to allow Bella and Ben to communicate if she would not change her mind, although he prayed for that every day.

They spent the rest of the morning watching Ben open his presents, Edward recording the entire event. Bella would attempt to duck out of each shot, but Edward would scowl at her, causing her to get back into the frame. This was her last human Christmas, and he wanted it on film for Ben.

After spending Christmas morning with Charlie, they left him to gleefully try out his new fishing gear and went to the Cullen household where Ben received even more extravagant presents.

"Edward," Bella said, "he's going to be spoiled rotten. He doesn't need all of this stuff."

"Don't worry about it, love. This is only the second year he's been with us on Christmas, and we're all just so happy to have a child in the house over Christmas. It's hard for us all to not go overboard – even Jasper," he said with a laugh, as he watched Jasper showing Ben how to set up the pewter Civil War set he had bought for him.

Edward had yet to give Bella her present, and he figured she was hoping he did not buy her anything. He laughed to himself. If she thought that, she was sorely mistaken.

After hours of playing with all of the new toys and video games, Bella, Edward, and Ben finally headed home through the quiet forest that had a soft layer of snow laying on it. Ben had his head on Edward's shoulder; he had had a busy day and was about to fall asleep.

Edward laid Ben down in his bed where he began snoring softly, and he quietly shut the door. He then turned to Bella. "Now, it's my turn."

"For what?"

He was back in a flash with a black, velvet box. "Merry Christmas, Bella."

She opened the box, and Edward was rewarded with a look of pure surprise on her face. "Oh, Edward. It's… it's breathtaking." Lying in the silk lining was a diamond and sapphire bracelet.

"It's your birthstone," he said simply.

She suddenly had her arms wrapped around him, kissing him passionately. "Oh, thank you, Edward."

He kissed her back, allowing his cold tongue to swipe across her lips and moaning at the taste of her. "You're welcome. I didn't know you knew how to graciously accept a gift," he teased her.

"It depends on the gift," she said slyly. "And now it's time for yours."

She quickly disappeared into the bedroom and shut the door. After a few minutes, she called out for him to come in.

Edward walked into the bedroom and his jaw dropped to the floor. Bella was laying on the satin comforter, dressed in a blood red, satin nightgown with a wrapped present beside her.

"Merry Christmas," she whispered nervously.

Edward could hear her heart pounding, and he swallowed a couple of times. "Which one is my present? The wrapped package or you?"

She laughed lightly. "Both."

He quickly tore into the paper and inside was a portrait of Bella, her chocolate brown eyes sparkling back at him from the canvas, her brown hair laying softly around her shoulders, and her cheeks a delicate pink color.

It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"Bella, it's gorgeous. When did you do this?"

She blushed. "It was actually Alice's idea. This way, you can remember me how I am now."

"Right now?" he asked, his voice gone husky while his eyes roamed over the red satin.

"Right now," she said and pulled him on top of her for a kiss.

Edward ran his tongue across her lips again, feeling them part, but he did not enter her mouth. She was still so fragile, and he had to be so careful. She wanted to plan out her conversion, and he did not want to do it accidentally, especially with Ben asleep in the next room. That would not be the best scenario.

He moved his lips down her jaw line, to her throat, and behind her ear where he nuzzled gently. He smiled when he heard her moan in pleasure.

"Edward," she breathed.

He skimmed his hands down the sides of her satin nightgown, causing it to ripple and skim up her thighs. He helped it along with his fingers and licked his lips when he saw the matching red lace panties Bella had on. "What brought all of this on?" he asked softly, gently massaging her flesh.

Bella had her eyes shut. "Mmm… well, I wanted to enjoy this at least once more while I'm human, and I wanted it to be special." She looked at him with hooded eyes.

He quickly pulled her nightgown over her head and inhaled sharply at the view beneath him. His wife was _beautiful_. Her skin was flushed, and he could hear her heart pounding. He wanted to commit the sound to memory. Her breathing was accelerated, and he could see the blood pumping furiously underneath her skin. He traced the light blue veins in her eyelids with his lips, and then moved back down to her mouth.

Bella was tugging and pulling at Edward's shirt, trying to undo the buttons. Finally, he just pulled it off, buttons flying everywhere, causing Bella to burst out laughing.

"What?"

"Very dramatic."

He smiled at her with his crooked smile. "That's me. I can't wait any longer." He sighed happily as she ran her fingertips across the pale, cool skin of his chest. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too."

He dipped his head down to her breasts and worshipped them with his mouth, being careful to keep his teeth covered. He could feel the inner beast attempting to break free, and this was the one area in which he would be thankful that Bella would be an immortal. Their lovemaking would be taken to new heights, and he would not have to worry about hurting – or killing – her any longer. He pushed the monster back down into its cage, and his vision stayed clear. He had promised himself that if it ever turned red, he would leave. Just run. Explanations would have to wait until later. But so far, so good.

He hooked his thumbs in the elastic of her panties and quickly pulled them down to her ankles then shot them across the room, causing her to laugh again. "Bella, please stop laughing at me, or you're going to give me a complex."

"Perish the thought."

She suddenly gasped when he trailed his fingertips up her inner thighs and she spread her legs for him eagerly. "Edward…" she moaned.

He inserted two fingers inside of her to stretch and prepare her for him. He groaned at how tight and wet she was. The feeling of the inside of Bella was his Kryptonite; it would always bring him to his knees.

She rewarded him with another moan of pleasure, and Edward could wait no longer.

He kneeled between her legs and rubbed his erection up and down her, coating himself in her wetness, and causing Bella to throw her head back. He began to slowly enter her, and his eyes rolled back in his head. He managed to hold onto his control by a thread. He began thrusting at a steady rhythm, wanting to bring Bella to her release before he found his.

He soon felt the telltale signs of her muscles fluttering around him, and then suddenly, she threw her head back and her muscles clenched around him, causing him to follow her. After a few moments of milking the moment, he pulled out of her and lay beside her, pulling her into his arms.

"Merry Christmas. I love you," he whispered.

"Ditto. I love you, too."

**End Notes: If you are looking for some more good fanfic, go check out the new collaboration story between EternallyCullen and me, titled Eyes, Look Your Last. It is an AU story and is posted both here and on Twilighted. EternallyCullen writes awesome citrus, so if that is your thing, I promise you will not be disappointed! **


	7. Stuck in a Hard Place

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything related to Twilight I only own Ben.

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"Esme? May I speak with you?" Bella asked tentatively, surprised to feel that her knees were actually shaking.

Esme dropped her copy of _Architectural Digest_ on to the table and looked up at Bella with a smile. "Of course, dear. What can I do for you?"

Bella sat down on the cushy armchair across from the chaise lounge that Esme had been reclining on. "I wanted to talk to you about Ben… and my decision – if you have time," she added.

Esme gracefully sat up and swung her legs around, pulling her feet underneath her. Her caramel hair hung in a cloud down her back, and her ocher eyes were sparkling. She was breathtaking. "Of course."

Bella took a deep breath and plunged ahead. "Esme, I know that you had a child in your human life that you lost…" She risked a look up at Esme and saw that she looked as if she were far away in another time.

"Yes," she whispered. "My darling baby boy. William. Oh, Bella, I wish you could have seen him. He was so beautiful. He had a head full of dark hair and the bluest eyes. He was perfect," she said, a catch in her lovely voice.

Bella smiled softly. "I imagine he was."

Esme cleared her throat. "But I don't suspect you came to ask me what he looked like, did you?"

She shook her head. "I don't mind, but I wanted to talk to you because I figured that as a mother, you could understand more of what I'm going through with this decision."

Esme nodded in understanding.

"What would you do, if you were in my shoes?" Bella asked bluntly.

"Bella, dear, I can't tell you what to do."

"I know. But if your son had survived, and Carlisle had still shown up in your life, what would you have chosen to do?"

She smiled softly. "Bella, you can have them both; you don't have to choose. You can stay human, and Edward will still love you."

"I know he will, but I guess I just want it all," she said sheepishly.

Esme laughed. "That's okay, too. Just remember, these are Ben's formative years. He's been through quite a bit for a little boy, but you _are_ his mother, and you know what's best for him."

"I wouldn't do anything to hurt him," Bella said firmly.

She nodded. "We all know you wouldn't. But just don't get so wrapped up in the fairy tale that you forget about real life."

Bella sighed. "I know. I just… I want it so much. I want Edward; I want to be _like_ Edward. And when would be a good time for Ben? If I did it right now, then when I came back, he'd grow up with me like… _that_… and it wouldn't be any different to him, just like you all are normal to him. But I'm afraid if I wait, then he will definitely see the difference, and it will freak him out."

Esme sat beside her in the chair and pulled her into her hard embrace. "Bella, you know I consider you a daughter already, regardless of your immortality status. I just don't want you to do anything you will regret later. There isn't any need to rush. Edward will still be here; we'll all be here, when you're ready. We just don't want you to have any regrets."

"I don't want to get too old," Bella whispered, finally voicing one of her main fears.

"Ah."

She pulled back and looked at Esme. "I don't want to be older than Edward. Pretty soon, I'll start getting wrinkles, and everything will start sagging. I'd like to become immortal before my boobs are down to my knees," she weakly joked.

Esme laughed. "Bella, you don't have to wait until you're ready for Medicare. But you don't have to run out and do it today, either."

"You're not helping me."

She hugged Bella tight. "I'm sorry. I know you want me to just tell you what to do, but I can't do that. This has to be your choice, and I want you to be sure. But you know that if you decide to do it now, that we will take care of Ben for as long as you need us to."

Bella hugged her back, finding comfort in the statuesque embrace. "I know." She stood up and began pacing. "Okay, so here are the pros and cons for having Edward change me now."

Esme pulled out some paper and a pen. "Making a list is always good. Putting something down in writing, many times, will help you see things clearly. Fire away."

"Pro – I can get the newborn phase over with while Ben is still young and then be there for the rest of his childhood and adolescence."

Esme's pen scratched on the paper.

"Con – Ben is now sleeping through the night without nightmares, and my leaving might cause a setback."

Esme nodded, continuing to write.

"Pro – I will not get any older." She made a face, causing Esme to laugh. "Con – there isn't a con to that one. Pro – I can start my eternity with Edward right away. Con – I will miss out on some of the best times of Ben's life." She sat down and put her face in her hands. "Oh, God, how can I _actually_ consider leaving my child?"

Esme hurried over to her, placing an arm around her. "Bella, remember, let's pro and con this."

Bella sniffed and pulled her head up. "Okay. Pro – I can beat death before it gets me," she said cryptically. "And con – I could very easily die before Edward has the chance to change me."

Silence permeated the room.

"Bella?" Esme asked when Bella remained silent.

"Esme," Bella whispered, "my deepest fear has always been that something would happen to me, and Ben would be left with no one. When I was with Eric, I was scared to death that would happen."

Esme stroked her hair back soothingly. "But Eric is gone, Bella. You're safe now."

"Hah! With my coordination? I could die on a daily basis," she said quietly, her mind spinning. She knew that if anything were to happen to her, Edward and the Cullens would take excellent care of Ben. But she did not want to even consider that might be a possibility. She wanted to be around for him… forever. And she would do whatever it took to make that a reality. Even if it meant leaving him for a short term to ensure she would be there for him for the rest of his life. "I've made my decision," she said quietly. "Thank you, Esme, for listening."

"You're welcome, dear, but can I ask what you decided?" Esme's beautiful amber eyes were full of concern for the newest Cullen.

Bella stood up and squared her shoulders. "I'm going to have Edward change me. As soon as possible. I'm not going to risk leaving Ben an orphan; my mother died a few years ago, and I remember the pain it caused me to have to say good-bye to her. I won't put him through that. I _will_ be here for him, forever."

"And Charlie?"

Bella chewed on her bottom lip, her brows drawn together in concern. "I am worried about Charlie, but I'll figure out a way to make it work. Ben is my primary concern, and I won't risk leaving him alone to face the world."

Esme nodded in understanding and enveloped Bella in a hug, her delicious scent wafting up. Bella immediately relaxed. "I need to go make plans. Thanks again, Esme!" she called, hurrying out of the room.

Alice was standing on the stairs, looking down at her. "Well, I see you've decided."

Bella nodded. "Yes."

Alice nodded. "Yeah, you're sure now. It's clear to me. Edward will be excited."

She scoffed. "Edward? Excited? You're talking about Edward Cullen?"

"Yes, silly. He really will be excited, although he won't act like it. He'll act like he's upset, but deep down, he'll be relieved. He's always been worried that he'll do something to kill you."

"Really?"

"Really."

"You'll have to leave when he gets home. I don't want him to hear it in your thoughts," Bella instructed.

Alice scowled. "You're no fun."

Bella shooed her out of the house before she heard Edward's Volvo in the driveway. Her stomach was turning flip flops, and the butterflies were dancing nervously in her middle. If she were honest with herself, she was nervous about Edward's reaction. She knew that he had been hoping against hope that she would change her mind and decide to stay human, but after reviewing the facts, she knew that it was in her family's best interest for her to become immortal.

She quickly headed for their stone cottage, so they would have a bit of privacy.

xXx

"Bella? Are you home?" Edward called out upon entering the cottage. He never could get used to the fact that he could not hear her thoughts and know where she was.

"I'm in here," she called from the bedroom.

He quickly moved into the bedroom, where he found her in the closet, her lip between her teeth. "What are you doing, love?" He moved over to her, kissing the top of her head in greeting.

She sighed. "Trying to clean out this closet before Alice goes on another shopping spree. It's to the point that we almost can't fit anything else in here. I thought I'd stop by the Goodwill in town tomorrow and drop some items off."

Edward nodded in consent. "That would be a good idea. How about the toys of Ben's that he doesn't play with anymore?"

She grinned at him. "One step ahead of you. I'm taking a few of his favorites to Charlie's, but the others are in the sink in bleach water, and I'm going to donate some to the church nursery and some to the peds ward at the hospital."

"Sounds good, but what brought all of this on?"

"Edward, I love your family, but they are spoiling me and Ben rotten. It's just too much, and the clothes and toys are going to take over, if I don't get rid of some of it." She kept her eyes averted as she spoke, prompting him to continue his inquisition.

"Uh-huh. Any other reasoning behind the spring cleaning fever?"

Bella tossed a blue dress onto the pile and stopped, looking into his eyes. She sighed. "Yeah. Actually, I talked with Esme today, and she helped me come to a decision."

Edward searched for Esme's thoughts, but came up empty. Carlisle was nowhere to be found, as well. Edward figured they must be out hunting. "And?"

Bella stepped out of the room and checked on Ben, who was napping in his bedroom. She quickly came back into the bedroom and sat on the side of the bed. "Edward… I've made a decision about the future… and what I want."

Edward felt his stomach drop. Even though he could not read her mind, he had an idea of what was coming already. "And?"

She took a deep breath. "And… January first is coming up within the next week."

Edward was torn. On one hand, he wanted nothing else than for Bella to remain human, to protect her precious soul from eternal damnation. On the other, however, his selfish nature wanted Bella to become immortal so that he could love her in the way he wished, without fear that he would hurt her – or kill her. He knew that either way, he would get something he wanted, but it was not about him. It was about Bella and her priceless life force.

"Edward?"she asked quietly when he did not speak.

He brought himself back to the present. "Sorry, love. I was thinking. Are you sure this is what you want? Once it's done, it's done. Forever. There's no going back."

Bella walked over to him and sat in his lap, her fingers stroking his face. "Yes, that's what I want. I want you… always. I want to be able to protect Ben… forever. And given my history, it's not a sure thing that I will even survive as a human."

"But what about Ben? He's done so well, lately." Edward was concerned for the boy; he had been making some great progress during their sessions at home, and his nightmares had all but become a thing of the past. He was afraid that his and Bella's disappearance from his life right now would trigger a setback.

"I talked to Esme about that, and they'll take care of him while we're gone. Plus, knowing what I have to come home to, I think that I can get a handle on the newborn stuff fairly easily."

Edward sighed. "Bella, don't put your faith in that idea. You have no idea how you'll react until it happens. We could be gone for a year or more. Maybe less. But I know that you wouldn't do anything to put him at risk, so we couldn't chance coming home too early."

Bella stroked the hair at the nape of his neck. "Edward, honey, I know what I want. And I know that this is best for Ben. I'm his only biological parent. His father isn't part of his life – but he has you as his dad. And we need to be the same. If something happened to me…"

He nodded. "I know. But I just feel like I'm committing the vilest sin by agreeing to this, Bella."

She stood up abruptly. "Why do you not want me to change? Are you worried you won't like me anymore?"

He laughed softly and stood up to face her, cupping her face gently. "Of course not. You'll always be my Bella, whether you're human or vampire. I just feel like I'm taking something so precious from you just for myself, and it's so wrong. I feel like I'm stealing your life just so I never have to lose you."

Bella rested her head on his chest. "So you're not worried that you won't like me anymore when I'm not soft and warm, when I don't blush at the drop of a hat, and when my heart doesn't race when you kiss me?" She blushed, as if on cue.

Edward shook his head. "Of course not. You'll always be you, just less breakable, which would be better for me. I just feel so guilty about being so selfish."

She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. "I was worried that you were so against me becoming a vampire because you wouldn't want me anymore."

"No. I just can't imagine being so selfish. And what if you change your mind?"

Bella shook her head, linking her fingers behind his neck. "Edward, there is nothing I will ever want more than you and Ben. Ever."


	8. I Just Want to Make Love to You

**A/N: First of all, I want to thank Jakeward and EternallyCullen for reading over the lemony goodness in this chapter and giving my confidence a boost. Writing lemons is new for me and I'm still very unconfident in my abilities, but after their words of wisdom, I decided to keep what I had written in this chapter. If you enjoyed it, I would really appreciate you leaving me a review to let me know as I am very low in confidence where they are concerned.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Anything related to Twilight belongs to the great Stephenie Meyer. I only own Ben. He is my own creation.**

* * *

_Where to go, where to go? Bella thought frantically, her feet thundering on the forest floor. Everywhere she looked, all she saw was the same thing – trees, moss, broken branches. She panted and grasped the stitch in her side. She could not breathe…_

_And she was missing something… but what? The thought continued to elude her._

_But what was she running from? Why did she feel this relentless need to run… to get away? She could not remember, but she could feel the adrenaline pumping through her body. Her fight or flight response had been triggered… and she had chosen flight. But from what? _

_The uncertainty of everything was driving her crazy._

_Bella skidded around a boulder and stopped. In front of her was the most magnetic, yet the most frightening, sight she had ever seen._

_A man, yet no normal man. He was dressed in a black silk cape, but Bella noticed no more. All she could see were his eyes. They were the color of the sun as it rose above the horizon every morning – a ball of red fire. And those eyes of fire were burning straight into her. Burning her. She should be scared… she should run. Any second now…_

_And she did run – straight to the strange man in the black silk cape with the fiery eyes. The moment his icy skin touched hers, she felt as if an electric charge had been set off in the center of her stomach, radiating out to all of her limbs, numbing her brain, and setting her heart to pounding._

_He smiled, displaying a set of cliché fangs, and Bella understood what this man meant to do. He was going to drink her blood. She should be scared. And she was… a little. But it only added to the adrenaline rush she was feeling, along with the arousal she felt at the simple touch of his fingers. _

_Every girl wanted a bad boy… right?_

_And what was she missing? The knowledge that she had lost something continued to tug at her memory, but when the man with the fangs stroked a finger down her cheek, the tugging stopped, and her knees turned to jelly._

_He smiled a big, toothy smile, allowing the moonlight to glint off of his fangs, and Bella felt her stomach drop in anticipation and fear. What little bit of common sense remained in her befuddled mind told her she needed to get the hell out of there, but with the gentle caress against her jugular, she willingly tilted her head back, allowing him full access to his meal._

_And suddenly, she saw what she had been missing._

_Ben. _

_He was standing just on the perimeter of the small clearing, one finger in his mouth, his chocolate brown eyes full of fear._

_Suddenly, Bella knew that this scenario was not right, and that she had to save herself – and her son – from this creature that could make her so willingly give herself over to him. She began to struggle and cry out, but the creature just shushed her._

"_Shhh, Bella. Don't struggle, love. It will be much easier if you just give in to what you want."_

_Bella heard a deep moan escape her throat, and she was embarrassed. She turned her gaze back to Ben, who continued to stare at her._

"_Mommy, why won't you stay with me?" Ben asked, his face forlorn._

_She felt hot tears running out of the corners of her eyes and into her hair. "Please," she whispered to this magnetic creature. "Please, let me go."_

_He chuckled softly. "I don't have any hold on you, my love. You are holding on to me."_

_Bella looked down and, shocked, found that her arms were indeed wrapped around his neck, while his hands barely rested on her hips. "Oh," she sighed. "I have to – I must go," she whispered again without moving._

"_You must make the choice yourself, Bella. I will not force you," he whispered seductively in her ear._

"_Why can't I have both?" she whimpered, yet still could not make her arms release the beautiful creature in her grasp._

_He stared at her silently, his deep burgundy eyes boring deeply into hers._

"_Mommy," Ben pleaded._

_Bella chewed on her bottom lip. "I-I want both… I need you both. Edward…"_

_He smiled at her, displaying his fangs again that were dripping with his fatal poison. "Do you choose me?"_

_She turned her head toward her son. "Ben… I love you, but…"_

"_No, mommy, no!" Ben shouted._

"_Edward, I can't…" she breathed, tears running out of her eyes._

_Suddenly, his countenance turned angry. "You mean you won't. Go then, for I will not mate with a human," he sneered, pushing her away._

_She turned to Ben, but he was gone. "Ben!" she shouted and ran to the hill he had been standing on, only to find his teddy bear laying on the ground, abandoned… forgotten. "Where did he go?" she asked._

_Edward stared at her, his crimson eyes glowing in the dim forest light. "He's gone, Bella. You waited too long to decide, and you lost him."_

"_I have to find him," she cried, running around the clearing futilely._

"_You can't," he stated simply. "He has gone to a place you cannot follow."_

"_Where?" she pleaded._

"_Heaven. You, however, have committed the unforgivable sin of cavorting with the undead, and so, you shall never see him in Heaven, as you are as damned as the rest of us."_

_Bella stared at him open-mouthed. "Damned?"_

_He nodded. "Even if you have not committed the sin in the flesh, you have committed it in your heart."_

_She stood still for a moment and then flung herself into his arms. "Then I want it all. Give me immortality. Make me yours, forever."_

_And with a smile, Edward sunk his fangs into her soft flesh._

Bella woke with a start. This dream was getting tiresome. She knew what it meant, but she wished her subconscious would give it a rest already.

"What is it, love?" Edward asked quietly, laying his book on the bedside table.

She shook her head. "Nothing, just a dream."

He wrapped his arms around her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, it's all right." She knew that if she told him her full dream, then he would never agree to fulfill his promise to change her. The date had been set and was the next day. Her heart turned over in anticipation and nervousness.

Edward nuzzled his nose behind her ear, inhaling deeply. "I will miss this. Your scent."

She giggled softly. "I would think you'd be glad to get rid of it since it causes you pain."

He planted a soft kiss on her neck. "Nah. It's a good kind of pain. It reminds me of how cherished you are to me." He pulled away suddenly. "Bella, are you sure about this? I mean, absolutely sure?"

Bella scowled at him. "Yes, Edward. I'm positive. Why do you keep asking me that?"

"Because I just don't want you to make a mistake. Once we… do it, you can't ever change your mind. Rose has always resented what we are, and I don't want that for you."

She stroked his hair, her fingers tangling in his copper locks. "Edward, I'm not going to regret it. I want this. I want to be with you, forever. I want to be able to be with Ben, forever."

He placed a chaste kiss on her lips. "Okay, I just can't believe that I'm being so selfish and getting what I want."

"We all need to get what we want, sometimes."

"Well, right now, I want you, once more, before you're like me." He tugged her down in the bed and began to brush kisses across her jaw, down her neck and across her collarbone.

_I better enjoy this while I can. _"Mmmm, Edward," she sighed.

His hand was sliding up her thigh when they heard a noise, and they turned to the doorway to see Ben standing there, his teddy bear clutched in his hands.

"Mommy? Daddy? Whaddya doin'?"

Edward groaned under his breath, and Bella laughed at his obvious disappointment. For someone who had been so reluctant to consummate their marriage physically, he was now a more than willing and solicitous lover.

"Nothing, baby. You're up early," Bella said, glancing at the clock.

"I hadda bad dream."

"You did?" Bella held her arms out to him, and Edward groaned good-naturedly, turning over to hide his prominent erection. "Sorry, honey."

"Not a problem. It was just a dream, Ben. You want to tell us about it? Many times, if you tell someone about the dream, it's not so scary."

Ben shook his head. "If I say it, it might come true."

"No, it won't," Bella said encouragingly, but Edward remained silent.

Ben shook his head again. "No, I don't wanna. Can I get some cereal? I'm hungry."

Bella swatted him on the bottom. "Sure, I'll be there in just a minute." She turned to Edward when Ben had run out of the room. "What was that all about?"

He sighed. "He dreamed that you left him, Bella."

Bella felt a pain in her chest at his words. She was glad now that Ben had kept his dream silent, as she did not know if she could have handled breaking a promise to him. He knew that she and Edward were going out of town, but as he was only four years old, he did not understand the timeline.

"So what do we do?"

"Bella, love, there's still time to change your mind. Wait until he's older. Wait until he's graduated."

"Then I'll be as old as Charlie!" she spit through her teeth. "No. Can you imagine the looks we'd receive anytime we went anywhere?"

He looked at her, concerned. "So, you're worried about what people will think?"

She shook her head and threw the covers back. "Only if I wait another fifteen years."

"Maybe they'll just think you're a super-hot woman who can keep a younger man," he teased, trying to lighten the mood.

She stuck her tongue out at him. "No. I'm not going to be a cougar. The date is set, plans are made. Ben is going to your family's house tonight and then you and I are going to the Canadian wilderness, alone."

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "You're absolutely sure? What if something happens to him while we're gone?"

Bella hesitated; he knew her Kryptonite, but he was not playing fair. This had been decided and was a done deal. "It'll be fine. Carlisle and Esme will be there to take care of things. And Rose would let herself be turned to ash before she let anything hurt him."

"What if he gets sick?"

She blanched. "Edward, please stop. Please don't make it any worse than it already is," she whispered, looking at him, her brown eyes filling with tears.

Edward brushed the tears away with his thumbs and wrapped her in her robe. "I'm sorry, love. I just don't want you to blame me if you have any regrets." His brow crinkled in worry.

Bella stroked the worry lines on his angelic features. "I would never blame you. This is a decision I'm making completely of my own free will. I love you."

He looked at her, his eyes continuing to be filled with worry. "You promise you'll tell me if you change your mind."

"If it makes you feel better, yes, but I won't change my mind. Now, let's go make breakfast."

xXx

Bella looked around the log cabin located approximately fifty miles north of Reindeer Lake in Saskatchewan. There was not a single, solitary town within 100 miles of them, which meant no humans, only wildlife. It was decorated, however, as if it were a ski lodge in Denver, with log post beds, a fully-stocked kitchen, and rustic décor. "It's nice," she said, her voice wavering slightly.

Edward sat their bag down on the floor slowly, and looked around. "Yeah, Esme did it, of course. This is a place we come to when we want to relax; there's plenty of food for us and no humans around to notice."

She peeked in at the master bedroom, with its log four-poster bed covered in a fluffy down comforter in a red, satin duvet and tens of throw pillows arranged decoratively. "Is this where…?"

He nodded. "Yes. I figured it would be the most comfortable for you."

She swallowed mutely.

"And Carlisle has a closet full of medical supplies, along with some IV morphine. We had discussed that and wonder if dosing you with it will help with the pain. He's actually going to be here when… you know."

"Oh." Her mouth felt as if she had eaten a bag full of cotton balls. She knew the feeling would soon be replaced with a burning so intense, she would kill to quench it. "If you think that's best."

"You know what I think is best," he said softly, and she chose to ignore that remark.

She walked into the bedroom and trailed her fingers over the smooth texture of the duvet. "So, when…?"

He shook his head. "There's no rush. We're here now. Let me enjoy you like this, since we were so abruptly interrupted earlier." He grinned at her crookedly, and her heart melted.

She walked up to him and ran her fingers through his hair, pulling his face down to hers. He went willingly. The next time they made love, she would be like him, and the experience would be totally different. But, for now, he wanted to enjoy his wife in the last moments of her human life. He wanted to make love to her passionately. If it went badly, all he had to do was start the change. He could certainly think of worse ways to go, although he wanted it to be on her terms.

He lightly brushed his lips against hers, allowing his cold tongue to lick delicately against her lips, ice brushing against fire. She opened her mouth to allow him entrance, but he pulled back. "I'm not going to take the chance like this," he murmured in between kisses, committing her human taste to memory.

She tugged him into the bedroom and pushed herself up onto the high beg, the down comforter billowing up around her. "Edward…" she implored, and suddenly, he was on the bed with her, pulling her on top of him and lifting her right leg over his hip.

He knew she could feel his instantaneous erection through her jeans, and she was immediately pulling at the buttons on her blouse, trying to pull it off. Typically, their lovemaking had to be easy and quiet as Ben was usually in the next room, but tonight… now… they were completely alone and did not need to be quiet. In the background of his mind, he hoped they did not destroy Esme's house, but when Edward pulled her shirt off and cupped her breasts in his cold hands, all coherent thoughts flew out of the window. He had to get a grip, or he might end up killing her.

The red haze that clouded his vision during their intimate moments was attempting to push its way to the forefront of his brain, and he pushed it back with every ounce of willpower he had. He would not do this. He would not be forced to turn her, but would give her the choice up until his teeth sank into her flesh.

He opened his eyes, and was relieved to see that the danger was currently on the edges of his periphery. He palmed her breasts through her bra, pinching her nipples gently. He watched as Bella moaned throatily and threw her head back. "Oh, Edward," she sighed, and he made quick work of the clasp. All she had to do was moan his name, and he was her slave – willing to do anything she wished.

He threw her bra across the room and gazed upon the most beautiful sight he had seen. Bella, naked from the waist up, was perched on top of him, her thighs spread on either side of his waist, her bare, creamy breasts heaving with her breaths. Her long, chestnut hair lay in waves and curls down her back, and her chocolate brown eyes were hooded. He could not imagine any Playboy centerfold holding a candle to his Bella. He took mental snapshots of her, so he'd always remember her exactly like this.

The memory of Eric came rushing back to him suddenly, and he felt his inner monster rattling the bars on its cage. He could not let the monster out. He simply could not. He pulled his feelings back under control, locking the monster up, good and tight. Ever so gently, he cupped her breasts, rolling her nipples through his fingers, and earning a happy sigh from Bella.

"Edward, please…"

Edward rolled her off of him, hovering over her. He ran his fingers down her cheek, looking deeply into her eyes. "I love you, Isabella Cullen."

She smiled up at him, and he felt as if his dead heart would burst. "I love you, too, Edward Cullen." She then popped the button on her jeans and began to wriggle out of them. "A little help?" she asked with a laugh.

He grinned at her using her favorite crooked smile and quickly whisked her jeans off, leaving her in her black lace panties. "Oh, Bella…"

Bella smirked up at him, and he etched her into his memory at that precise time. "God, Bella, you are so beautiful." He bent his head down and peppered her chest and stomach with light kisses, while skimming his fingers up and down her thighs. He inhaled deeply, committing her human scent to memory, for in a few short hours, that was all it would be.

Edward hooked his forefingers in her panties and pulled them down her legs, brushing light kisses across her skin as he went. When he pulled them off of her feet, he shot them across the room.

Bella moaned at the look he was giving her. He looked as though he could devour her. "You're still dressed," she accused, although she had managed to unbutton his shirt, leaving a strip of white, glistening skin visible.

He laughed. "Working on it now." He tossed the shirt to the ground and began to unbutton his pants, when Bella sat up quickly and put her hand over his.

"Let me." She slowly worked the zipper down and suddenly, his pants were pooled at his feet. She palmed his erection, and he jerked away from her. "What?" she asked, the hurt apparent in her voice.

He stroked her hair away from her face. "Believe me, I want to, but I'm afraid that I'll lose control and crush your skull."

Bella attempted to touch him again, but to no avail, as he pulled back. "Edward, it's fine. If something happens, you can just change me then."

He shook his head. "No, not like that. I want to make love to you one last time, and then I'll change you, but for now, we still need to be careful." He traced his nose up her inner thighs, inhaling deeply.

She stuck her lower lip out in a pout. "Fine, but that's the first thing we're doing."

Edward nodded enthusiastically. "That's fine with me." He pushed her back onto the bed and wrapped her legs around his waist.

"I love you," he said, as he slid his member through her folds, preparing her for him. "So much."

Bella's head was thrown back, and a throaty moan escaped her lips. "Me, too. Now, please, Edward."

He slowly sheathed himself to the hilt inside her, marveling at the warm, moist feeling of her clamping down around him. The red haze threatened to push itself completely across his vision, and he stilled, using every ounce of concentration to push it back. He wanted to remember this moment – of Bella hot, wet, and writhing around him. He could smell her intimate scent, and he breathed deeply, burning the smell into his brain. She had a scent unlike any other human he had ever encountered.

"Edward," Bella sighed, trying to move her hips.

He forced his eyes open, praying they were not black and scare her – although she certainly did not scare easily. He gritted his teeth and pushed the redness back to his peripheral vision again. He could maintain control – he had to. "Hang on," he forced out between gritted teeth.

Bella ran her hands soothingly up and down his arms that were braced on either side of her head. "It's all right. Just take your time," she whispered.

Edward blinked a few times, and the redness retreated again. He smiled at her crookedly. "I'm okay. Are you all right? Am I hurting you?"

She shook her head, attempting to move her hips again without success. "I'm fine, come on."

He laughed lightly and the jolting sensation caused Bella to let out a loud moan. Her throaty moan put an immediate stop to his amusement, and he began to pick up the pace, always cognizant of the fragility of his wife – and reason for living – lying underneath him.

He began to feel the tell-tale flutters of her intimate muscles beginning to twitch, and he knew that she was close. Edward began rotating his hips in a circular movement which caused Bella to convulse suddenly while moaning out his name.

Hearing his name fall from her lips in her moment of ecstasy was all it took for him, and he spilled himself inside of her, his rock hard form brought to the consistency of jelly by that one word she uttered.

"Edward…"

He stilled momentarily, making sure to keep any of his weight off of her. He wanted them to enjoy the afterglow; all he wanted to do was hold her until she drifted off to sleep and then watch the myriad of expressions flit across her face. She was an enigma to him – a piece of living art.

She was beautiful.

"I love you," she whispered to him, cuddling up to his stone chest. "What will it feel like, when I'm like you?" she asked, absentmindedly running her fingers across his skin.

"I'm not sure," he admitted.

Bella's face turned scarlet. That was something he would miss greatly.

"No, I mean, just us touching, skin to skin. Like your skin is hard to me and mine is soft to you."

"Well, I don't go around touching my family a lot, but it will just feel… normal. I won't be cold to you anymore, as we'll be the same temperature."

"Oh, sounds wonderful," she murmured sleepily.

Edward pulled her closer into his embrace. "Sleep, my darling Bella. For tomorrow, we begin our new life."


	9. A Change Will Do You Good

**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who has been following the story, especially to those of you who have left me reviews with your thoughts and opinions. I enjoy each and every one and I have responded to you all. If I missed you, it was purely an oversight on my part and I apologize.**

**If you haven't already, follow me on Facebook under LisaDawn75 and on Twitter (at) LisaDawn75, where I've been posting pictures and teasers for upcoming chapters! It's a good way to find out what's going to happen ahead of time, plus I really do enjoy talking with people who are reading my stories. I love to hear what you have to say about them.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Twilight, that is all owned by the great Stephenie Meyer. I only own the idea for this story and Ben.**

* * *

"Bella, how are you?" Carlisle asked, his face a mask of composure.

She smiled at him tremulously. "I'm good. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little nervous."

He nodded in understanding. "I can understand that. Remember, you can always cha-"

"I'm not going to change my mind," she said firmly, interrupting. "I've talked to Ben, and he's doing fine with Rose and Esme. I have a goal, so I'm not going to let the newborn phase last long. I _will_ gain control."

Carlisle smiled at her. "I have no doubt. I'll be honest, though, I've never done this with anyone who was able to make the choice. It's always been when one of my family was at death's door. This will be different."

Bella nodded. "Yeah, a bit."

"It's experimental, that's all I can say. I'm hoping that if we give you enough morphine, it will help with the pain of the transformation."

She blanched slightly at the mention of pain, but she was not going to change her mind. "I understand. Load me up, doc," she joked weakly.

Carlisle followed Edward and Bella into the bedroom, which had been dimmed. He started an IV in her hand and flushed it before preparing the morphine syringe. "Any last words?" he asked with a smile.

Now that the moment was here, Bella was nervous. She did not enjoy pain, and from what she had been told, she was getting ready to suffer the motherload of all pain. But it would be worth it. Edward. Her prize was Edward. "Just make sure that Ben knows how much I love him, and that I'll be home soon for him."

He nodded. "I will."

"And make sure Charlie doesn't think something horrible has happened to me. Tell him I'm sick or something. I don't want him to worry too much."

"Sure."

She took a shaky breath. "I guess this is it. Edward, promise you'll go through with it."

He nodded, his face grim.

"And remember, no matter what happens, this is what I want," she said to him earnestly. "So if something goes wrong, remember that, and don't blame yourself."

Edward cupped her face in his hands and kissed her firmly on the lips. "Nothing's going to go wrong. Carlisle and I are both here, and everything will be just fine."

"Well, if it doesn't –"

He put a finger over her lips. "Don't worry about that. It will all be fine."

She nodded. "I know. I love you."

"And I love you. I'll be right here when you wake up."

She nodded again, unable to speak past the lump in her throat. It was time, finally. After the months of waiting, thinking, worrying… the time had come, and she was ready.

Carlisle stuck the syringe into the IV tubing and pushed the medication into her vein.

She immediately felt the relaxation of the drug, and lay back on the pillows, her eyes half closed. "I'm ready," she slurred.

Edward looked at Carlisle, who gave him a nod of consent, and Edward bent down over Bella's neck. He brushed her chestnut hair back, exposing her carotid artery to him. The morphine had reduced her heart rate some, and so her pulse was not as strong as it normally was. He closed his eyes and suddenly felt his teeth slide into her flesh.

Bella immediately seized up in pain, but Edward did not stop. He bit her at all of her pulse points, sealing the bites closed by a sweeping of his tongue. He could not turn back now, even if he wanted to. But the cards had been dealt, and now, he just had to wait to see if he came up with a winning hand.

When he had finished, he straightened up and adjusted her on the bed, attempting to make her as comfortable as possible. "More morphine," he choked out to Carlisle.

Carlisle obliged, pumping another syringe into her blood, which was already beginning to turn viscous. "This won't work much longer, Edward."

Edward pulled up a chair to the bedside and took Bella's hand in his own. "And now, we wait."

xXx

Bella immediately felt the high of the morphine hitting her system the moment that Carlisle injected it into her vein. She slurred out, "I'm ready," and immediately felt such an intense pain that her body jerked upward off of the bed. The high of the morphine disappeared and was replaced by…

Fire.

Burning.

She was being burned alive, and no one but she knew it. She vaguely heard Edward tell Carlisle to give her another dose of the morphine, and she tried to scream out for them not to do it, but found that her tongue was frozen in fire.

The morphine had wrapped its invisible arms around her and was holding her still and silent when all she wanted to do was writhe and scream out. The pain was incredible… unbearable… and more than she had ever experienced in all of her lifetime.

Giving birth to Ben had been a breeze compared to this.

The abuse by Eric – she would go through that again a hundred times, if it meant this pain would be taken away.

"She's so quiet, Carlisle. What if something went wrong; I've never done this before." Edward's voice was full of pain and concern.

Bella decided at that moment that she was thankful the morphine had her tied down with invisible ropes. If not, she would have been unable to keep from screaming from the agony, and she did not want that on Edward's conscience.

"You did everything I would have done, Edward. I'm sure it's the morphine." Carlisle sounded confident.

Bella knew that she would need to tell him in secret what the morphine actually did so that mistake was not made again. But she thought back, forcing her mind to work around the pain, to remember Carlisle's story – how he had buried himself in rotting potatoes and kept silent for three days through the transformation. She could do this; she _would_ do this – for Edward.

"Bella, can you hear me?" Edward called to her.

She kept her teeth locked together and did not acknowledge him. She knew that if she moved so much as a muscle, her control would snap and she would scream, like the woman burning from the inside out that she was.

Bella heard Edward sigh. "I don't know, Carlisle."

"You did fine. Listen to her heart; it's as strong as any I've heard."

_Oh, goody._ Bella felt as if her heart were racing, as if it were trying to run from the fire burning her within.

She did not know how long she lay on her own personal pyre, but it felt as if it had been days. She knew that Edward never left her, as she could hear his methodical breathing constantly. It was her lifeline – her link to reality. If not for that constant whoosh of air in and out, in and out, she would have gone insane from the pain, from the burning.

"Bella?" Edward whispered. "Can you hear me?"

She did not hear Carlisle anywhere, and she could not leave Edward in his own personal hell anymore. She flinched, squeezing his hand that was in hers.

"Bella?" Edward asked, surprise evident in his voice. "You can hear me!"

She attempted to unlock her teeth, determined to utter a single syllable without screaming. "Y-y-yes," she stuttered, and then, despite her best attempt at control, a scream erupted from her burning throat.

Edward was immediately stroking her forehead, his cold hands blessedly cool on her blistering skin. "Oh, Bella, love, I'm so sorry. I know it's painful."

Bella clamped her teeth back together, angry at herself for allowing Edward to see how much pain she was in. She did not want him to regret changing her, but in those moments, she was questioning her own decision.

Fire.

It felt as if she were swimming in a lake of fire. Her entire body, from the inside out, felt as if it were blistering, the skin melting, and she could imagine it actually dripping from her bones. She accidentally let a moan escape through her teeth.

Edward continued to brush her hair back, although she figured it must have been singed from her head by now. "It will all be over soon, love."

She did not believe him. She did not feel as if the burning would ever stop. She felt as if the ropes holding her to the stake had burned away and had been replaced by chains, never to let her go.

After a while, she noticed that something was changing. She could still hear Edward breathe, yet now his breaths were clearer, more defined. She could hear his clothing rustling against itself when he moved. She could hear Carlisle's steps coming down the hall to check on her, and soon, she could tell the difference between Carlisle's breathing from Edward's. And then, her inner ears were, finally, blessedly, cool.

Again, she felt Edward's cool fingers brushing through her hair. "It will be over soon. You look beautiful, love."

She could not imagine she looked beautiful. She felt like a charred piece of tinder. But she trusted Edward, and his encouragement gave her the courage to hang in there. Not that she had another choice.

What could have been several days or hours, Bella noticed another difference. Her fingertips. The flames were no longer licking at her fingertips and toes. Just that bit of abatement made her want to cry in relief, but she could produce no tears. She figured the fire had evaporated every ounce of fluid in her body. Soon, her hands followed, along with her feet, and she almost sighed in contentment. Just having a few areas no longer burning in the flames was a blessed allayment. Edward had put his hand back in hers, and she squeezed his fingers in encouragement.

"Bella, love, I'm right here," he said hoarsely, his normally velvet voice rough from emotion.

She nodded in response and another tight scream escaped her clenched teeth. She was so angry with herself for losing control, but there was nothing to be done. She was not as strong as Carlisle, plus she recalled that he had been required to stay silent, so he was not discovered. _Cut yourself some slack, girl_.

She soon noticed some other differences. Her mind seemed to expand. She recalled a fact she had learned in college – that humans only use a fraction of their brain power. Now, she felt as if that barrier had been broken, and her brain's full capacity was at her disposal. She still felt the blistering flames licking their way through her body, changing her organs and cellular structures, but she was now able to think about many different things at once.

She thought about Ben and wondered how he was doing without her. She had failed at her attempt to stay in control though the change, but she would _not_ fail at the newborn phase.

She thought about Edward. He was so wonderful; he had stayed with her the entire time. He had risked everything to love her. He had fought against his very nature – which she was beginning to understand, if the burning in her throat was any indication – to be with her and to keep her safe. And then, he had allowed himself to become the one thing he hated in order to keep her safe from Eric.

She thought about Charlie. The idea that she would never see him again made her throbbing and burning heart ache. She loved him as the father figure she had never had, but she would not put him at risk. She would stay away from him, even if it would hurt him emotionally. That was better than hurting – or killing – him physically.

She thought about the Cullens, her new family. Now, she would not be the outsider, but would actually be one of them. She knew that Rosalie was not her biggest fan but that she tolerated her because of Ben. And that was fine with Bella. Never had her son known so much love from so many people. And for once, Bella felt as if she fit somewhere. She had always felt out of sync with the real world – the human world.

While these thoughts were racing through her mind, she also noticed that the fires in her limbs were beginning to burn out, leaving her with a cool reprieve. The fire was now centered just in her chest and around her racing heart, which suddenly took off at an even faster pace. It also became even hotter, if that were possible. She cried out in pain and convulsed as her heart raced towards its final beat. Faster and faster it went while hotter and hotter it burned, until suddenly, it faltered twice, and then came to a stop. The fire was finally fully extinguished, and Bella breathed a sigh of relief.

She then opened her new eyes and looked upon her husband for the first time with her enhanced vision.

Bella had thought Edward was beautiful with her human eyes. But with her vampire eyes, she could only describe him as breathtaking.

He was _beautiful_. The skin stretched taught across high cheekbones that any male model would have killed for. She could now even see more of the reddish highlights running through his mess of bronze hair. She imagined him with his green eyes of the past and knew that he would have been the catch of the town at the time, but now, he was all hers. For eternity. The thought humbled her. She did not deserve such a perfect specimen for her very own.

Edward took a few steps back. "Bella, love, are you all right?" he asked quietly.

"Bella, we're here for you, just let us know what you need," Carlisle responded.

Bella instantly picked up on their wary posture, not quite the defensive crouch she had become used to, but more on guard. What was the danger? "What's wrong?" she asked, her voice now the melodic sound of the rest of the Cullens. That would take some getting used to.

Carlisle reached his hand forward tentatively. "We just don't want to do anything to frighten you, dear."

Oh. They were scared of her. Hah… what a funny idea! "I'm fine."

"You must be thirsty," Edward said softly. "Shall we hunt?"

Hunt. She had always wanted to watch Edward hunt, as she imagined him as lithe as a panther when he sprung on his prey, and now, she would get to watch it firsthand. Suddenly, her hand flew to her throat. "Yes, I think that would be a good idea," she choked out against the burning in her esophagus.

He held his hand out to her. "Let's hunt, my darling, and see what you have a taste for."

She tentatively took his perfect hand that was in front of her and gasped at the feeling of his skin in hers. It was no longer hard and cold, but was now soft and warm to her. Of course he would be; they were the same temperature and had the same make-up now.

"Are you all right, love? I know it's a lot to take it at once."

Bella nodded slightly. She looked around and was amazed at what her supernatural eyes showed her. She saw every dust mote, every line in the paneling, every dent in the spackled ceiling. But all she could really see was Edward. He was just… perfection. And he was hers. She squeezed his hand tightly. "Let's hunt," she said enthusiastically. The burning in her throat was becoming unbearable, and she was anxious to quench it, but she was also impatient to spend some alone time with Edward, finally allowing both of them to be what they were.


	10. Wind of Change

**A/N: First of all, thank you to everyone for the wonderful feedback I've been receiving. Nothing makes me happier than to see that review alert in my inbox! I've had several questions asking how Bella can leave Ben for so long to become a vampire. I, personally, could not leave my child for that long. But remember, this is Bella, who fell for Edward almost immediately and wanted that for herself. She is a bit different and more mature in this story, as she is older, but she still wants to be with Edward for eternity. She is assuming that Ben will be fine while she is gone and that once she gets back, they will all settle down into a happy, little family, and all of her problems will be solved. She is not thinking of how Ben is going to react – don't forget that he's been through some major trauma in his life by watching Eric abuse his mother. And also, Bella wants to hang onto Edward every way she can. Her last relationship didn't work out so well, but now she's found a man who worships the ground she walks on, so she wants to do whatever it takes to stay with him forever. I hope this gives you a glimpse into Bella's way of thinking. If not, let me know and I'll be glad to discuss.**

**And a big thanks to Jenny Cullen, aka JenRar, for betaing this chapter for me! You are awesome, girl!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that resembles Twilight. I do, however, own the idea for this story, Ben, Eric, and Carolyn.**

* * *

Just walking took some getting used to. Before, when she was human, Bella had to concentrate many times while walking, so she would not fall or injure herself, consciously putting one foot in front of the other. And now, it was as if all she had to do was think about moving… and she moved. She was there. When Edward had mentioned hunting, her throat had felt so dry and parched that she had been at the door before she had even registered shifting her legs. All she had done was think about moving… and she had transposed her body from the bed to the doorway.

Incredible.

"Shall we hunt?" Edward's melodic voice sounded in her ear. Now, with her enhanced hearing, she could hear the peals of beauty in the rich notes coming from his throat.

She nodded. "Yes, let's," she replied, still amazed that such a beautiful sound could come from her lips. Where before, she had been clumsy and tripped over her words, she was now matched with the Cullens in their articulation. And without a wisp of a thought, they were out the door and in the wilderness surrounding the cabin. "How do we run?" she asked Edward, a laugh tinkling out of her throat at the giddiness of it all. She had endured the three days of hell, and now, eternity stretched before them.

He smiled at her enthusiasm. "Just like before. All you have to do is think about it, and you'll do it." And he was off like a bolt of lightning, except now, instead of seeing him as a blur, Bella's new eyes were able to see every movement he made,in every exact detail.

And just by thinking of it, her legs and arms were pumping just like his, and she was flying right along with him. He was faster than she was, but currently, she was stronger, so it did not take long for her to catch up with him. He grasped her hand in his, and they laughed together as they sailed over the forest floor, their feet barely grazing the thick, grassy carpet.

_Now this is a great date!_ she thought, not being able to remember ever being so happy, except for when Ben had been born. Already, his face was becoming fuzzy – blurry – and Bella stopped short, creating deep gouges in the soil.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, concern apparent on his face. "I still can't read your mind," he said, frustration evident in his tone.

"It's Ben," she said simply.

Edward tugged on her hand. "He's fine, love. If something was wrong, Esme or Rose would have called."

She resisted and pulled her hand out of his. "No, Edward. That's not it. I'm having trouble remembering his face," she said, her dulcet voice cracking. She expected her eyes to fill up with tears, but nothing happened. _Oh, yeah. The retched fire burned them all up._

He wrapped his arms around her, and his embrace was still firm, yet soft, to her. "Don't worry about it, Bella. Your human memories will be hazy, but if you concentrate on the really important ones every day, you'll remember those."

Panic was welling up in her chest. She could not forget Ben! "Do you have a picture of him?" she asked desperately.

Edward nodded. "Of course. But you need to feed first, and then you'll be able to concentrate better." He tugged on her hand again, his nose in the air. "There's a herd of deer nearby."

"I don't want a deer, Edward. I want to see Benjamin," she almost wailed. His face was becoming blurrier to her by the moment, and she was beginning to regret the decision she had made. She had wanted Edward _and_ Ben for eternity.

"Okay, okay. It'll be fine, Bella. You're not going to forget him. We'll talk about him all of the time, and you can email him on his new computer." He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and took a picture of Ben out, handing it to Bella.

"Oh," she sighed in relief. "Yes, I remember now. We all bought him a computer for Christmas, and you set him up with an email address so I could talk to him while we were here."

"Yes."

She gently ran her fingertips over the picture. "He's so beautiful, Edward."

He wrapped his arms around her. "Just like his mother. Bella, I know this isn't really the time, but when we get back and get settled in a new place, I'd like to adopt Ben as my own and give him my name."

Bella flung her arms around his neck. "Oh, Edward! Yes! I'd love that, and Ben would, too!"

He grunted and laughed. "Uh, Bella, love, you're kind of hurting me."

She let go and laughed out loud. She had actually _hurt_ Edward. Now _that_ was funny. "Sorry," she said, giggling.

He rubbed his neck dramatically. "Not a problem, but just remember that now,_I'm_ breakable. Can we hunt now? The deer are gone, but there are a few caribou heading toward us."

"As long as you promise we'll talk more about Ben later… and every night."

He held up two fingers. "Scout's honor."

She grabbed his hand, being careful to not squeeze too hard. "Then let's hunt some caribou."

They ran approximately five miles, until they caught up with the small herd. The horned beasts were drinking from Reindeer Lake, and their aroma made Bella's mouth water with venom.

"What do I do?" Bella whispered.

Edward smiled encouragingly at her. "Just watch me, and I'll show you. But it's all pretty much instinct."

He ran at the herd, and he was so quiet and swift that the other animals had no idea one of their herd mates had been kidnapped. Edward quickly broke its neck so it wouldn't make any noise, and then carried it easily back to the tree line where the two of them were hidden.

"Now, you go get yours, and then we'll dine together."

Bella nodded in understanding. She thought about how she was going to run at the herd, and so, she did. She felt her right foot pushing off from the ground, and her left foot followed suit, and so on and so forth, until she was flying over the terrain, barely touching the soft layer of green grass. She chose a smaller caribou and quickly wrapped her arms around it, snapping the cervical column, as she had seen Edward do. The animal went limp in her arms, and she caught it easily.

She was not as quiet or as graceful as Edward, however, and so the rest of the creatures who had been drinking had already run away. It did not matter. They each had their meal, so let them run!

She then sat cross legged on the ground, the dead animal in front of her, and her clothing ripped from its flailing hooves. "Now what?"

Edward just nodded at the creature. "Just let your instincts take over."

_Instincts… instincts… all right._ Bella closed her eyes and listened to the sound of the wilderness all around her. Right away, she heard the sound of Edward drinking his meal, and the gulp of the warm blood sliding down his throat made her feel absolutely parched. She stroked the fur of the animal that was still warm and memorized the coarseness of the hair. She could hear some birds singing,andoccasionally, she would hear the plop of some snow falling from a limb onto the snow-covered ground.

_Let your instincts take over…_

With her eyes still closed, she allowed the vampire that had been born within her to take control. She opened her eyes to find that she was now bent over the caribou, her lips pulled back to expose her deadly teeth. She was only mere inches from the animal's jugular.

_Let your instincts take over…_

So she did, and felt her teeth slice through the thick fur, the muscle and sinew, and right into the large jugular vein that ran along the caribou's neck. She felt as if she was drinking through a straw, but she pulled and pulled through the opening, until she could get no more blood from the creature. Finally, when she had drained it dry, she pulled her face away, to see Edward smiling at her.

"What?" she asked, feeling self conscious.

He shook his head. "Nothing. I just never imagined how wonderful it would be to hunt with you – to be able to share everything with you. Are you all right now, or do you need something else? In the newborn period, you will be extra thirsty as you learn to control your cravings."

"I'm fine for now, but what do we do with these?" She pointed to the carcasses.

Edward stood up and began to dig with his hands. "We bury them. That way, the evidence is gone, and we don't risk spreading disease to other animals."

"Okay." Bella started digging her own hole, and soon, they had both animals in the ground and covered with dirt.

"So what do you want to do now?"

Bella grinned. "Let's run."

Edward's face split into a dazzling smile. "Okay."

He took off running, and Bella followed directly on his heels. Suddenly, she smelled the most wonderful smell she had ever come across. It was enough to make her change course and run toward the southwest, instead of north, where they had been heading.

"Bella, where are you going?" Edward asked, alarm in his voice.

She groaned. "Oh, my God. That smell. What is it, Edward? It smells so good; I have to have it."

Edward's eyes grew wide. "No, Bella! What you smell are humans. We've got to go the other way!"

But Bella was already running toward the humans. She either had not heard Edward, or was not paying attention to him.

He veered off course, desperate to save her from doing something she would regret for all of eternity.

xXx

"Do you want to talk about it?" Edward asked, concern all over his perfect features.

Bella sat as still as a statue and stared out the window at the snow covered forest surrounding the cabin. It was a beautiful sight. "No, not really. What's done is done."

"Bella, just remember, this is what you are now."

_Let your instincts take over…_

Well, she had let her instincts take over, all right. And by allowing her instincts to rule her, she had killed two men who had been out hunting. They were the ones who had smelled so delicious to her, and before she knew it, she was heading toward them. She had definitely let her instincts lead her, and one, they had led her into a huge guilt trip, and two, they had already put a black mark on her record. She could only imagine how happy Emmett would be, as he won the bet that she would not make it a day. Jasper would also feel relief that he was not the only one who struggled**. ****Now, he** would not be the newest Cullen.

"I know. I'm just mad at myself. And I think of those men's poor families, who will not know what became of them either. Plus, now that I've had it, I'm not sure I can go back to caribou," she joked weakly.

Edward was not amused. His family was what they called "vegetarians," because they did not drink from humans, only animals. "You'll learn to control it. Try not to worry about it. All of us, with the exception of Carlisle, have killed someone in the past."

"Even Esme?" she asked, scandalized. Gentle, sweet Esme could not have killed a human being.

Edward nodded. "Yes, she did. Right after she was changed. She and Carlisle were out hunting, and they came across some humans. The rest is history." He went on to explain Carlisle's life story to her. "So you see, Carlisle is just an extraordinary person. He's basically immune to human blood now."

"Wow, that's quite an accomplishment."

"I know."

Bella sighed. "Edward, I want to go home."

Edward looked alarmed. "Bella, love, we can't go home yet. You just awoke. You have to think about Ben…"

She picked up an elk statue and threw it against the wall, effectively embedding it into the wood. "I can't do this, Edward. I can't be away from him for much longer."

Edward put one hand on each armrest of the chair and leaned down into her face. "You have to, Bella. You know what happened when you smelled the blood from those hunters, and –"

Bella buried her face in her hands. "You just had to bring that up."

"In this case, yes, I did. You are _not_ safe to be around humans yet, and Ben is human. Right now, you are so much stronger than the rest of us, we would not able to stop you."

She wiped at her eyes, although there was no tear production. "I just miss him, so much. I didn't think the hurt would be this considerable."

Edward pulled her into his embrace. "I know, darling. But you have one day down, so you are one day closer to returning. He brushed her hair back and planted soft kiss down her cheek and the column of her throat.

_Oh, my God, _Bella thought. _This is one hundred times better as a vampire than as a human. What the hell was I waiting for?_

She twisted her fingers through his hair, and he picked her up and carried her to the bed. "It would be a shame to not test out all of your new features, Mrs. Cullen."

"And what do we do if we want a refund?"

He looked deep into her crimson eyes. "I'll never, ever, want a refund. I'm afraid you're stuck with me, Isabella."

"Hmmm, it may be more the other way around, and you're stuck with me."

He moaned, as she was tugging on his hair easily as to not pull it out, and he crashed his mouth against hers again. "God, you taste so sweet."

"That's because I am sweet," she joked.

He ran his hand down over her shirt, and her nipples hardened instantly. Edward was enthralled. He had been excited to do this when she had been human, but her response as a vampire just excited him so much. He had been a virgin up until their wedding night and had never seen first-hand a woman's sexual arousal. The learner in him wanted to take notes, but he thought Bella might be a bit upset at that.

"I want you," she said simply, trying to unbutton his pants.

He helped her to remove the offending garment, and she immediately lined herself up with his erection. There apparently would be no foreplay, as she was already wet and waiting for him. Well, whatever his Bella wanted, she received.

He thrust hard inside her to the hilt, and now that she was like him, he no longer had to worry about crushing her pelvis with his movements or crushing her head in a moment of passion. She was now his equal in every way, and he relished that fact.

He forcefully thrust into her, listening to his name falling from her perfect lips. He knew he would not last long.

"Bella, I'm not gonna… gonna last –"

At that exact moment, she called out his name and climaxed so hard, he felt pain around his member, but the contraction of her muscles caused him to come as well, and he fell on top of her, panting. It was so nice to be able to lie on top of her and cuddle, instead of worrying constantly about putting too much weight on her and killing her.

"Oh, God, Edward. That was fucking amazing."

He smiled. Bella did not use the f-word very often, but when she did, she meant to make a point or was angry. And by her smile, he could tell she was not angry. "Yes, it was, love. Everything is heightened when we are immortal."

She sighed in contentment and finally was able to cuddle with her husband the way all wives did.

xXx

That evening, Edward set up the computer so she could chat with Ben. She was still leery about him seeing her on camera, especially while her eyes were still such a vivid red, so Edward claimed visual equipment malfunction. All he did was place paper over the webcam lens so they could see Ben, but he could not see them.

"Hi, Mommy! Hi, Dad! When you guys coming home?"

Bella laughed and did her best to make it sound like her old laugh. If she were to be a true Cullen, she must learn to turn out Academy Award material on a daily basis. "What's wrong, baby?"

He sniffed. "Nuffing. I just want you to come home."

Edward leaned forward to speak into the microphone. "I know, buddy. We'll be home as soon as we can, but I have to do this project to keep my certification."

They had lied and told Ben that they were going out of town so Edward could teach in a big, teaching hospital to earn a specialized certification in childhood psychiatry.

Ben sighed. "I miss you, Mom. Why can't you come home and let Daddy stay by himself?"

She felt panic rise up in her throat, but then swallowed it down. _You're a Cullen now, so act like one._ "Because then he wouldn't have anyone. You have Aunt Rose, Nana Esme, Grandpa Carlisle, Grandpa Charlie… the list goes on. Edward would be here by himself. That wouldn't be very fair, would it?"

"No," Ben mumbled.

She talked to Ben for a little while longer, asking him about what he'd been doing, and he suddenly brought up a parent-teacher conference he'd had a few days prior.

"Ben, I didn't know anything about that."

He just brushed it off. "'S okay. Nana Esme went in your place."

"Can you get her and put her on the computer, please?" she asked through gritted teeth. _Why do people want to keep me in the dark?_

She was suddenly left with staring at the kitchen and had to wait a few moments.

Then, Esme came into view. "Hello?"

"Esme, it's Bella and Edward."

"Oh, hi, you two! How is everything going? Carlisle said things went great with your change, Bella."

Bella took a deep breath. "Ben said that there was a parent–teacher conference the other night."

"Yes, there was. I went in your place, as I knew you would be in no position to go. Bella, are you all right?"

"It just would have been nice if someone had told me about it beforehand," she said through gritted teeth. She suddenly felt contrite. "I'm sorry, Esme. I'm just missing Ben right now something awful, and I'm taking it out on you."

Esme chuckled. "No need, Bella, dear. I understand. And I didn't want to tell you about it, because I didn't want to worry you." Her normal chipper tone had turned serious.

Bella felt her heart drop into her stomach. "Worry me how?"


	11. Trouble

**A/N: Sorry about the wait time to get this chapter posted. I've been out of town on business and that's tied into my fanfic time!**

**Again, thank you to everyone who has left me some love on this story… I hope you all know how much it means to me. I get a warm, fuzzy feeling inside every time I get a review alert in my inbox.**

**Also, a HUGE thank you to Jenny Cullen, aka Jenrar, for being my beta on this chapter. I heart you, girl! You are the best!**

* * *

"Esme, it's Bella and Edward."

"Oh, hi, you two! How is everything going?" Esme asked with a brilliant smile.

Bella took a deep breath. "Ben said that there was a parent–teacher conference the other night. I didn't know anything about it until he mentioned it."

"Yes, there was. I went in your place, as I knew you would be in no position to go. Bella, are you all right? Is something bothering you?"

"It just would have been nice if someone had told me about it beforehand!" Bella said through gritted teeth. "I'm sorry, Esme. I'm just missing Ben right now something awful, and I'm taking it out on you."

Esme chuckled. "No need, Bella, dear. I understand. And I didn't tell you about it, because I didn't want to worry you." Her normal chipper tone had turned serious.

Bella felt her heart drop into her stomach. "Worry me, how?"

"Well, since you've both been gone, it seems as if Ben has been causing some problems in school," Esme said.

"What kind of problems?" Edward asked, his tone serious.

Bella sat silently, her hands clenched into fists. Ben had never caused problems before.

Esme sighed. "Well, he got into a fight on the playground the other day—"

"A fight?" Bella asked, surprised. "Ben doesn't even know how to fight."

"Apparently he does, as he gave the other kid a bloody nose."

Bella dropped her face into her hands. "Oh, this is my entire fault. I shouldn't have left him."

Edward spoke up. "Bella, we didn't know he would act out like this. Anything else?"

Esme hesitated. "Well… he also said something bad to the teacher."

"What did he say?" Bella asked hesitantly through her fingers.

"He didn't really say it… He kind of… flipped her his middle finger."

Edward turned a laugh into a cough, and Bella glared at him. "Oh, my God! Where did he learn that from?"

"Emmett," Esme and Edward said together.

"I'm going to kill him," Bella said through gritted teeth. "How's Ben doing at home?"

Esme sighed. "He's having some bad dreams again, but not every night. Either Rose or I stay with him while he's sleeping, and that's helped."

"Thank you, Esme," Bella said graciously. "I really do appreciate everything you and Rose have done. And I'm sorry I snapped earlier."

Esme offered them a smile. "You know it's not a problem. We love that little boy. Just don't worry about him. We'll take care of everything and work on the… finger problem."

They all signed off, and Bella turned to face Edward. "Your brother is dead."

To her surprise, he laughed. "Good, he needs some sense knocked into him, and you're the only one that can do it."

"Why me?"

"Because as a newborn, you're the only one strong enough to beat him. And he needs to get his ass beat every now and then to keep his ego in check."

"I'll beat his ass, and then some." Bella was so angry, she would have thought her face was blood red, but one look in the mirror proved to her that she was as chalky as Edward.

She had done it; she had gotten what she wanted.

She was now an immortal.

* * *

"Do you regret your decision?" Edward asked, as they drove closer to Chicago. They had been in Saskatchewan for six months, and he now wanted to test her control in a crowded setting. She had not touched another human since her disastrous first day out; she had settled into a deep depression for several weeks after that incident, and it had taken all of Edward's dazzling skills to pull her out of it.

They had gone into small towns at night to allow her to test her resistance and willpower, and so far, she had been able to resist the humans. She had sworn she would never touch another human after her slip-up, and to this day, she had not. She had kept her promise to herself.

Now, they were leaving the lakeside cottage for a hotel close to Chicago so that she could get the sensation of being around multiple humans at once.

The sooner she mastered this, the sooner she could return home to Ben.

She shook her head. "No. Of course not. I obviously wish that Ben could have been better prepared and understood what was going on, but we'll get him straightened out when we get home." _I hope. If not, it will be all my fault._

Ben had been causing more trouble at preschool since they'd left. He had painted several desks with finger paint, had been pushing people down on the playground, and had given a couple of boys black eyes. It was also not uncommon for him to say a curse word or to smart off to his teacher, either. Fortunately, he was considered a Cullen, and they were not going to ask him to leave. Plus, Esme had explained that his mother had been out of town for an extended period and that was affecting his behavior.

"Bella, he's just acting out, so he's pushing his boundaries with us being gone. Once we return, he should go back to normal. Plus, I think he knows that Rose and Esme don't want to punish him."

Bella rolled her eyes. They were beginning to turn a dark amber color – much less frightening that the vivid red she had awoken to. "I think you're right. How do you think I'll do?"

He looked over at her and at the setting sun bouncing off of her granite skin. She looked like a living prism. Beautiful. "I think you'll do fine. You only had the one slip-up, and that was right after your conversion. Only Carlisle and Rosalie can say they've never drunk human blood. Most of us have messed up a lot more than just once."

She sighed happily. "We're almost done. Ben has done well with the webcam chats and with my new appearance…"

"Yeah, but remember, you will look different in person, so don't be hurt if he's afraid of you to begin with."

They had continued their nightly webcam chats with Ben, and eventually, Edward had removed the paper that had been covering the lens. Ben had been surprised at first, but Bella had told him that she'd had some plastic surgery done, and that was why she looked so different. Being only four years old, he didn't question it.

"I still can't wait to see him and hold him again. Oh, I've missed him so much. Do you think his behavior will improve once we get back?" she asked worriedly.

"I think so, but there are no guarantees. And you'll need to remember how fragile he is so you don't crush him," he reminded her gently. "And stop obsessing."

She nodded in understanding and watched the countryside flashing by. It would have been quicker to run, but she knew that two people running at inhuman speed and carrying a car would have drawn attention.

After a couple of hours of driving, they pulled into a hotel in Joliet, Illinois, just outside of Chicago.

"I thought you had a house here," Bella said, looking around.

Edward pulled a bag from the trunk. "I do, but it's locked up, and everything is draped. It wouldn't be fit to stay in. But I'll take you by it tomorrow, if you'd like."

"Oh, yes, I would," she said excitedly.

She followed him into the hotel lobby. This was her test, and she would not fail. If she did fine here, they would return to Forks and to Ben.

Of course, they were preparing to relocate. At least then, Carolyn Anderson would not know where to find them, but they would have to leave Charlie, and that thought was killing her.

Bella was hit by the delicious human scent the moment the sliding doors opened. Her mouth pooled with venom, and her nostrils flared. But she swallowed and grabbed Edward's hand. She would remain in control. She would not succumb and slaughter everyone in the room. Never again.

Edward must have been confident in her ability to keep herself under control, as they had not fed for several days. She was thirsty, but she would not drink from the aromatic gentleman, who smelled of musk with a faint under layer of tobacco. She would not touch the woman in the polyester jogging outfit, who smelled of a floral mixture and Chanel No. 5.

No.

She would not.

She swallowed the venom in her mouth and continued on with Edward to the check-in counter.

"Are you all right?" he asked her softly.

"Yes, I'm fine."

_Ben. Ben. Think of Ben. If you touch a hair on any of these people, Edward will turn around and drive you right back to Saskatchewan_. She held her breath for a moment, but then decided to breathe again. She had to get used to this, so she emptied her lungs and filled them again.

They quickly found their room, and Edward dumped their bag.

"Did you bring the computer? Do you think it's too late to talk to Ben?" She had just suffered hell in that lobby for her son, and she wanted to see him. Now.

He shook his head. "No, they're two hours behind us, love. I'm sure he's awake and waiting on you."

Bella pulled the laptop out and booted it up, pulling up Skype. She tapped her fingernails impatiently on the desk. Finally, the box opened, and she dialed in. Alice was the one to answer.

"Hi, Bella! What's up?"

"Not much. We just got to Joliet, and I was calling to talk to Ben."

"Oh, you know what we should do? I should come to Chicago to see you, and we could do some shopping! You're absolutely gorgeous, and you need a new wardrobe!"

"I don't think so, Alice. At least, not yet," she added at her sister-in-law's crestfallen face. "I'm still learning control, and I might wreck destruction in Bloomingdale's if you took me in there."

"Fine," Alice sulked.

"Next time," Bella promised, wondering why she kept digging her own grave. "Can I speak with Ben now?"

Ben came on the screen after a few seconds. "Hi, Mom," he said without much enthusiasm.

Bella felt as if her heart were being torn in two at his downtrodden expression. "Hi, baby. What's the matter?"

"Don't you love me anymore?" he asked quietly.

She gasped. "Of course I love you. I love you more than anything. Why would you say something like that?"

A lone tear traveled down his cheek. "Because you're gone. You left me. Tommy at daycare said that when moms leave, they don't love you anymore, and you and daddy have been gone _forever_."

She was speechless.

"What did I do, Mom?"

Bella wished she could produce tears, because she wanted to cry. Hard. "Oh, Ben, baby, none of that's true, sweetheart. Of course, Daddy and I still love you, so much. You didn't do a thing wrong. We've just had some things that we've had to take care of. But we'll be home and back to you soon."

"Promise?"

"Pinky promise," she said, holding up her pinky finger toward the camera.

He kept his hands away from the screen. "I guess."

"Ben," Bella pleaded.

He turned his head to look off camera for a moment. "Coming, Aunt Rose. I gotta go, Mom. Bye." And with that, he took off.

Bella shut the laptop, her expression morose. Edward had heard everything, and he was unsure of how to respond as well.

"Bella, love, we talked about this—"

"Yeah, but I didn't think it was going to happen!" she shouted. "He thinks I don't love him anymore, and I can't go home yet, until I make sure I don't eat my own son! What am I supposed to do, Edward?" she asked, her whole body slumped.

Edward gathered her into his arms. "Love, it's just going to take time. We knew this might be a possibility, and that he might have a hard time with this. That poor little guy's been through quite a traumatic childhood."

She stood up and whirled around. "So it's my fault? That's what you're saying," she said, a dry sob escaping. "If I hadn't chosen this life, things would have been fine."

He stood up and reached for her. She came to him without hesitation. "Bella, we have no idea if your being gone is what triggered this. It could have been anything. But as a psychiatrist, I would imagine that it had something to do with it."

"You're not making me feel better."

"I'm sorry, darling, but I want to be honest with you," he said, kneeling in front of her.

"I know," she sniffed. "I just wanted everything, you know? I wanted to be forever with you, and for Ben to be happy, and then, when he grows up, for him to make his own decision about his mortality status."

Edward was silent for a moment.

"What?"

"Bella, you know how I feel about what we are, and that I don't believe we have a soul. How do we know what will happen to us eventually? I think we'll end up damned for eternity. Would you do that to your own child?"

She sighed. "I'm going to give him the choice, Edward. He'll grow up around all of this, so he'll know what he would be getting into. And if he chooses a human life, I'll deal with it. I don't know how I'll deal with his… death… but I'll manage somehow, knowing that it was his choice."

"So you would do this to him?"

"I'll at least give him the choice of where he will spend eternity."


	12. Home Sweet Home

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. I've been trying to respond to them all, but RL has really packed a punch lately.**

**Also, a HUGE thanks to Jenrar, aka Jenny Cullen, for looking this chapter over for me!**

* * *

Bella sighed happily as she saw Seattle's skyline appear over a rise on Interstate 90. Edward had been driving at top speed for twenty-four hours straight, and surprisingly, Bella was no longer terrified of his driving. Perhaps it was the fact that she was immortal now. Perhaps it was because she no longer required any human moments and was able to sit perfectly still for hours, and so, they had not required any stops, except for gas refills. Whatever the reason, she had not minded this trip one solitary bit.

But now that they were in Seattle and so close to Ben, she was becoming antsy. In her decrepit, old Chevy, the drive from Seattle would have taken her close to four hours. In Edward's speedy little Volvo – with no pit stops required – she expected to be back in Forks and have Ben wrapped in her embrace within an hour and a half.

"Hurry, Edward," she pleaded, her arms practically aching with the need to hold her son. She had been gone for six months, and the last hour was going to be the worst.

He linked his fingers through hers, bringing her hand to his lips. "I'm going as fast as I can. So far, we're okay, as there are no police around." He grinned at her. "I take it you're excited?"

She gave him a dazzling smile. "Ecstatic. I can't wait to see Ben. You _do_ think that our coming back will straighten him up, don't you?"

Edward squeezed her fingers and nodded. "Yes, but then we have the move to consider, so he'll be in a new area, a new daycare, and a new house. He'll have to make new friends, so it's going to be another adjustment period for him."

"How long does your family typically stay in one place?"

"Usually around five years—sometimes more, if people are not suspicious," he replied.

While Bella and Edward had been finishing up their business in Chicago, the rest of the family in Forks had been preparing to move. With Bella's change now a reality, it was impossible for her to stay in Forks, so the decision had been made to move to Chicago. The Cullens had been in Forks for approximately seven years, anyway, so it was time for them to move on, before too many people began to realize that Carlisle was not aging, along with his beautiful wife and foster children.

Since Bella and Edward had been in Chicago just recently – and it had been over one hundred years since Carlisle had worked there – the family had decided to relocate there. The decision was made even easier, since Edward owned a house there; he and Bella had spent the last few weeks preparing and furnishing it for their arrival with Ben. It was a brownstone in the affluent neighborhood of Oak Park, and had all of the trimmings of the early 1900's, such as beautiful crown molding, hardwood floors, and carvings on the outer porch roof overhang. It was a beautiful house, and Edward had hired a contractor to come in and restore it to its original glory. He had also hired a maid service to clean the house, once the contractor was finished, and then he and Bella had done some furniture shopping.

The house was completely ready for them to move into. Edward had also found a house for his family when he and Bella had been in Joliet, so they would be close, yet he and his family would have the privacy that newlyweds desired.

Bella let out a soft squeal when she saw the sign for the Olympic National Park. They were now on Route 101, which would lead them straight to the Cullens' house. Ben was closer than ever.

After another half hour, Edward turned off of the highway and onto the drive that was practically covered with ferns. He drove the three-mile drive with Bella bouncing in the seat next to him.

"Bella, love, don't get your hopes up too high. Remember, he's been acting out and having some problems, so he might pretend like he's not very excited to see us."

"Don't be silly."

"I'm not; I'm being serious. I just don't want you to get your feelings hurt. Just know that can be a normal reaction to something like this."

"Fine," she answered, opening the door before he had brought the car to a complete stop. She was at the door to the house and opening it, before Edward had caught up with her.

"Ben!" she called out. "Ben! We're home!"

Esme came flying out of the library. "Oh, my goodness. Let me look at you! Bella, you are absolutely stunning." She hugged her tightly. "And so much sturdier," she said with a laugh.

"Where is he?" she asked, listening for his heartbeat. She could hear one that sounded as if it were outside. She breathed deeply and smelled her son for the first time with her vampire senses. Venom flooded her mouth. He smelled delicious.

Esme looked at her shrewdly. "Bella, are you okay?"

Bella shook herself mentally. She could do this. She would _not_ hurt her own son. "Yes, I'm fine."

Esme pointed her head toward the back door. "He's outside, playing with Emmett."

Bella walked to the glass wall, and for the first time in close to nine months, she gazed upon her son. He was breathtaking, his brown hair shining in the cloudy, greenish light, his brown eyes sparkling, and his mouth pulled into a grin. He was kicking the soccer ball to Emmett, who was kicking it back very gently.

Emmett looked up at the house suddenly and stopped. He spoke to Ben, who looked up at the house, as well.

Bella held her breath, both in anxiety and to block Ben's scent. She was unsure if she could take rejection from her own son.

Ben's face split into a huge smile, and he took off running for the house. Emmett was laughing and scooped him up, running at his supernatural speed, and they were in the house within moments. He set Ben down gently by the door.

Out of all of Bella's fuzzy human memories that she could remember, this one ranked at the top of awkwardness. She was unsure of what to do with herself. She knew her eyes were darker than the Cullens, but at least all of the red was out of them. She also knew that she had undergone some major remodeling that Ben would pick up on; the question was, would he shy away from her or accept her as he had the Cullens – without question?

Ben stood and stared at Bella, his own brown eyes that were previously a mirror image of hers, wide. Bella wished that she had been graced with Edward's mind reading gift in that moment, so she would know what he was thinking.

She was also acutely aware of the intense burning at the back of her throat, causing her mouth to flood with venom. He smelled so _good_. Better than some humans she had come across. But as she gazed into his deep brown eyes, she knew that she would run out on him before she put him in danger. She would scar him emotionally before she killed him.

_What kind of mother am I? _she asked herself, repulsed at her own line of thinking. Again, she was questioning her decision, but there was nothing to be done about it now. She just had to deal with the aftermath and hope for the best outcome.

"Ben?" she asked tentatively, her own voice still foreign to her own ears, the melodic sound reminding her of bells chiming.

He continued to stare at her for a few moments. Finally, he spoke. "You home to stay?"

She nodded, wishing with all of her might that he would come to her for a hug. She had been dreaming for weeks of holding him in her arms again. "Can I have a hug?" she finally asked, unable to withstand the suspense any longer.

He hesitated, before walking slowly to her. He allowed her to envelop him in her granite embrace, but he did not return it.

"What's wrong, baby?" she asked, trying to keep the hurt out of her voice. Edward had warned her of this very thing.

He shook his head. "Uncle Emmett, can we go back outside now?"

Emmett looked at Bella, a look of sympathy and questioning on his face.

She nodded, letting him know it was okay. Once they were back outside, she collapsed on the sofa. "Oh… oh…" she moaned, unable to cry like she wanted to do.

Esme was immediately at her side. "Bella, it's just going to take him a while to adjust. Right after you left, he was all excited, as he thought he was just spending the night, but then after a few days, he treated Rose and me the same way. He'll come around."

"Edward, what was he thinking?" Bella asked, afraid to know that answer.

He sighed. "He's scared you're going to leave again. He's been having nightmares that you leave him for good, and that's what he's scared of. How did you feel? You seemed to do fine."

"I was all right. I won't lie. He smelled wonderful, but he's my son. I'd set myself on fire before I let myself hurt him."

He nodded. "I know. I think we're past the point of imminent danger, but you don't need to let your guard down around him for a long time, and you need to hunt more often."

She nodded in response. "How's he going to do with moving and leaving Charlie?" she asked, worried. He had already been through so much.

Edward sighed. "It's going to be hard on him to lose Charlie. But I think if we tell him that we're all going together to start over in a new place, I think that will help him to know that you're not going to leave him again."

She rubbed her forehead. "Should I tell him?"

He hesitated. "I think it might go better if I talk to him," he said.

Bella felt as if she had been stabbed in the heart, but she had to admit that she had caused this problem by not waiting for Edward to change her. She nodded in consent.

Before too long, Emmett and Ben were back in the living room.

"Hey, buddy," Edward greeted him with a smile. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Ben nodded and took Edward's hand. The gesture cut right through Bella, but she squashed it down. Ben's well-being was her first priority.

She watched as the two of them walked through the door, and she heard them enter Carlisle's office. She could hear the entire conversation, something else she still had to get accustomed to.

Edward settled Ben on the desk, and then sat in the chair. "You remember back last year when we had some talks about how you felt about some things?"

Ben nodded. "Yeah."

"Well, I'd like to talk to you again. About your mom."

"'Kay."

Edward brushed his fingers across Ben's soft cheek. "How are you feeling about your mom right now? She's been really worried about you."

Ben looked away. "Is she gonna leave me?"

Edward leaned back in the chair. "Tell me why you think your mom would leave you. She loves you more than anything."

"'Cause she left to go with you. And she was gone _forever_. What if she forgets me?" Two lone tears trailed down his cheeks.

Edward used his thumbs to wipe them away. "Benjamin, I'm gonna tell you something about your mom, and I want you to listen. First of all, do you trust me?"

He nodded.

"Good, because your mom is not going to leave you. She's not going to leave again. I had something important to do for work, and she came with me. If we'd known it would upset you this much, we'd have taken you with us," he lied smoothly.

Ben's face relaxed visibly. "So Mommy does love me?"

Edward laughed softly. "Of course she does. You were all she talked about. I couldn't drive fast enough to get her here to see you."

"And you drive fast."

Edward nodded in agreement. "Well, she was telling me to go faster."

"Where'd you and Mommy go?" he asked, his chocolate eyes that reminded him so much of Bella's eyes before her change, wide.

Better now than never. "We've been in Chicago. Ben, we're going to be moving to Chicago in the next couple of days. We've got a new house, and you'll have your own room!"

Ben was solemn. "Can I still go to daycare with Tommy?" Tommy was his best friend this week.

Edward shook his head. "No, I'm sorry. It will be too far. But if you want to go to daycare, we can find one for you to go to there, or you can stay home with your mom while I go to work."

"What 'bout everbody else?"

Edward smiled. "They are all coming with us."

Ben smiled slightly. "Even Granpa Charlie?"

Edward sighed. "No, buddy. Granpa Charlie has to stay here and work. He has to keep Forks a safe place."

"But I'll miss him," he said, his eyes welling up with tears again.

Edward nodded and pulled him in for a hug. "I know, kiddo. We all will."

* * *

Supper time consisted of chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes, and asparagus for Ben. When he was finished, Esme announced it was bath time.

"Can Mommy do it?" he asked suddenly.

Bella was speechless and felt a lump in her throat. She knew she would have been sobbing, if she had been capable of it.

Esme smiled at him. "Of course, Ben. Your mommy can do anything you'd like for her to." She directed Bella to the bathroom they had been using, and Bella shuffled Ben into the room.

Again, she felt awkward, but not as much after Edward had relayed their conversation from earlier. She started the water running, and while the tub was filling up, had Ben brush his teeth.

Ben grinned at her. "You remembered our way to do stuff," he said with a smile.

She grinned back, kissing the top of his head. Oh, he smelled delicious. She would have to hunt tonight. "Of course, baby. You're the most important thing to me, ever."

"That was what Daddy said."

"He did?" Bella tried to act surprised.

Ben nodded, and then rinsed. "Yeah, he told me that we was moving to Chicago."

She helped him out of his clothes and into tub. "Yes, we are. We're leaving in two days. Edward's going to unenroll you from daycare tomorrow and take you by to see Granpa Charlie."

"You sure Granpa Charlie doesn't wanna come wif us?"

Bella sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure. He's been here his whole life, but you can come back and visit him sometime."

He nodded joyously, and then giggled when Bella poured water over his head.

"So what's been going on in school?" she asked while lathering his hair.

He shrugged. "Nuffin' much."

"I hear you've been into some trouble," she hinted.

He didn't reply and tilted his head back for her to rinse his head. His scent was made more potent by the hot water and was making her mouth wet with venom, but she swallowed it, depending on love and the distraction techniques that Edward had taught her.

"Ben?"

"Well, stupid Alex said you left me, so that's why I hit him."

"Ah."

"I'm sorry, Mommy." He looked at her with those melted chocolate eyes.

She hugged him, not caring that her shirt got wet. "I know you are. And Daddy's right. We are moving to Chicago, so I expect better behavior from you."

He gave her a thumbs up and an award-winning smile. "Okay, Mommy."


	13. All That I'm Living For

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in this chapter. I had a mental block with it, so I hope you enjoy! Huge thanks to my wonderful beta, Jenny Cullen, aka Jenrar for her assistance. You are awesome!**

* * *

The drive back to the Chicago area was much more… talkative. Now that Edward had assured Ben that his mother would not be leaving him again, he had been much more talkative and affectionate toward Bella. Every time he had given her a precious hug, his wonderful scent would drift up to her nose, and she would taste it on her tongue.

But that was as far as it ever got. She could not even envision allowing her imagination full reign around Ben, because just the mental picture of her doing anything to hurt him – let alone kill him – was enough to make her metaphorical blood run cold.

Though being in an enclosed vehicle with him caused her physical pain, she denied herself even the thought of what could happen. It was all mind over matter, in her opinion, and she would not do anything to put her son in danger.

Now, she had a much healthier and stronger respect for what Edward had gone through with her while she had been human. If Ben had sung to her as her blood had to Edward… She shook her head at the thought.

"Mommy? Do I get my own room?" Ben asked, setting his coloring paper aside.

Bella turned around in her seat, twisting the seatbelt with her. She no longer needed it – indestructibility was a new trait – but she wanted to set a good example for Ben. "You sure do. Your daddy and I decorated it while we were in Chicago working."

Ben's molten brown eyes were wide. "How?" he whispered.

"It's a secret," she whispered back.

Edward laughed silently, causing Bella to giggle, the musical tinkle filling the car. Finally, things in her life seemed to be going the right way.

"I don't like this room," Ben said, his teddy bear clutched in one hand, while he stood in the new bedroom that Edward and Bella had prepared for him.

"Why not?" Bella asked, surprised.

They had painted the room a soft beige color and decorated it using a baseball theme. It was completely different from his room in Jacksonville, which had been part of her planning. She was still trying to erase any memory he carried from Florida.

Ben stood still, looking at the ceiling. "I just don't. I wanna 'nother room."

Bella inhaled deeply for patience; however, her senses were then flooded with her son's scent. Underneath, she could still detect the scent of fresh paint and wallpaper glue, but his floral scent was overpowering those.

She was thirsty. It had been several days since she had fed, due to the move. _When they said I'd be a slave to my thirst, they weren't kidding,_ she thought, looking down at her son with eyes she knew had to be a flat black. She needed to feed, and he smelled so good…

"Mommy? What'sa matter?" Ben asked, his own brown eyes wide and filled with innocence.

Bella gasped. _What the hell was I just thinking? _"Um, Daddy will be right here," she said, before fleeing the room.

Edward met her on the stairs, his eyes wide. "What happened?"

She shook her head. "Thirsty," was all she managed to choke out while passing him on the stairs. She had to get out and feed. Now.

Edward let her go and made his way to Ben's new room. "What's up, buddy?"

"I don't like this room. It feels funny."

Edward sat on the bed and pulled Ben into his marble embrace. "What do you mean? This used to be my room when I was a kid."

Ben turned his head around, his brown hair glistening under the light. "Really?"

Edward nodded. "Sure was. Did you know that I grew up in this house?"

He shook his head. "But it's old."

Edward laughed loudly. "Yeah, it is. Come on, and I'll show you some stuff."

Ben took Edward's hand, and they walked out of the room together and down the steps. Edward took him into the parlor first. "This was where my parents would entertain guests when we lived here."

He looked at Edward in confusion. "Whatcha mean?"

Edward explained how society had functioned back in the early 1900's. He knew that Ben currently had no sense of time; however, with him growing up around the vampire set, he knew that eventually Ben would understand his true age. He just hoped it did not freak him out.

Then again, it had not bothered his mother, and they were very much alike.

He took Ben through the whole house, regaling him with stories from when Edward was a child – at least, the ones he had not completely forgotten. He worried about Bella and the chance that she might forget Ben's childhood from her human years. He had encouraged her to write them down before they became too hazy, especially the ones he had not been there for.

Edward stopped at his father's roll top desk – which was now an antique. He ran his hands over the polished mahogany that looked and felt like silk. He sat in the accompanying chair and pulled Ben up into his lap.

"This desk belonged to my father," he told him. "He would sit here and work, at times, after he would get home from his office. He was a lawyer."

"What's a lawyer?"

Edward placed a kiss on the top of his head and explained simply what his father had done.

"Where's he now?" Ben asked.

Edward sighed and held Ben a bit closer. "He's in Heaven with my mother. He died a long time ago."

Ben solemnly hugged him back. "Sorry, Daddy. I had a goldfish once that died. I was so sad, and me and Mommy had a fun'ral for 'im."

"Did you bury him?"

Ben shook his head. "Nope. Mommy said fish get buried at sea, so we flushed him."

Edward held back a chuckle. "Would you like another goldfish? Do you think that would make your room better?"

Ben's chocolate eyes lit up. "Yeah!" He started bouncing up and down in Edward's lap. "Can we go now and get 'im?"

Edward stood up, lifting Ben easily in his arms. "I think we need to wait for your mom, pal. She might want to go with us."

Ben sighed. "'Kay."

xXx

Bella snuck out of the city and began running North. She was planning to head into the wilderness once she got past the Wisconsin state line. She and Edward had hunted there many times while they had been in Chicago and had found the area full of mountain lion and whitetail deer.

Her thirst was so powerful that she slaughtered the first animal that came **by, **draining it dry. Once her thirst had been satiated, she began to replay the thoughts that had run through her mind with Ben.

She was a terrible mother; that was the only logical conclusion she could come up with.

She had actually, for a split second, had a vision enter her mind of her killing her own son. She truly was the monster Edward had feared.

Edward. If only she had listened and delayed her change for a few more years, maybe things would have been different. Maybe not. But now she would never know.

She decided to drink from one more animal, in the event that Ben's scent became too potent for her. Once the deer was drained, she buried the carcass and began running back home; however, she kept slowing down, until finally, she was walking at human speed.

For the first time in her life, she dreaded going home.

Had Ben seen what she was about to do? Had he seen the flat blackness of her eyes and known what that meant? Or would he have been a willing sacrifice to her thirst, much as she would have been for Edward, had he asked.

No. She thought he was too young to understand what had just happened. There was a far more fundamental reason why she did not want to go home.

She was ashamed.

She knew Edward would not hold any blame on her, and for that, she was grateful. But she was afraid that in the back of his mind, he would know that he had been right all along.

Bella began to pick up her speed, knowing she was only delaying the inevitable. She needed to see with her own now liquid gold eyes that Benjamin was safe.

After a quarter of an hour, she arrived on the outskirts of Chicago and began to meander through the streets to their house in Oak Park. It was dark outside, and she knew that she was in a part of the city that was not known for its security.

She was not afraid. She knew she was the most dangerous thing out, regardless of any weapons that may have been carried by some of the more dangerous people who were out and about.

She had walked a few blocks, when a man stepped out in front of her. She stopped and sighed. She had made a vow not to kill another human after her slip up at the beginning of her conversion, but did this count? Hopefully she could just scare him into running away.

"Excuse me," she said coldly, danger thrumming through her words.

The man hesitated back a step, but then decided to pull a switchblade knife on her. "Where ya goin', doll face?"

Did she just fall into a mobster movie? "None of your business. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think you'll find things will go much better for you."

He grabbed her arm. "I said, where ya goin'?" he growled out.

Bella leveled her eyes on the man, who flinched at whatever he saw there. She let out a deadly growl from deep in her chest and grabbed the man by the throat, easily throwing him into a bunch of trashcans in an alley.

"And I said, none of your business."

Bella felt empowerment flood through her as hazy memories of the abuse she'd suffered at Eric's hands flashed through her mind. She need never be scared of any human again, and Edward would be there to help her with any immortals that might cross their path. She was free.

At the thought of Edward, she turned again toward home and quickly picked her way through the city, arriving at their new house within moments. She stood outside and listened, hearing Ben's steady heartbeat. From the sounds of his breathing, he was asleep.

Guilt washed over her again at what had happened, and she opened the front door, her head downcast.

"Bella?" Edward called, causing her to giggle hysterically a bit. She knew that there was no one else to whom he had to ask that question.

"Yes, it's me."

He was instantly at her side. "How are you?" His angelic features were twisted into an expression of worry.

She sighed and slumped against him, allowing him to support her weight. "Better. Not thirsty, at least. How's Ben?"

"He's fine; he's asleep. Why?" he asked curiously.

Bella scrubbed her face with her hands. "Did he say anything about me scaring him or anything like that?"

Realization dawned upon his face. "No, he just said he didn't like his room, but after I told him some stories – that I could remember – of growing up here, he did fine with it. But he didn't say anything about being scared."

"Oh, thank God," she mumbled. "All of a sudden, I was so thirsty, and he smelled so good… I was so scared that I would hurt him."

"Ah," Edward mumbled in understanding. "Well, he's fine, so don't worry." He brushed her wavy, long hair back and planted a soft kiss behind her ear. "You know, he is asleep," he hinted, placing a kiss on the other side.

"Mmmm," she murmured, wrapping her arms around her husband, understanding that he was trying to distract her. "Why don't you lock the front door, and we'll go upstairs."

Edward turned the deadbolt, keeping Bella in his arms. "Tell me about your hunting."

She laughed humorlessly. "I felt starved; I drained two bucks and almost one human, but I held out and just threw him into the trash," she said, laughing at her own private joke.

Edward became serious, immediately. "What happened?"

She recanted the story for him of how the stranger had grabbed her in the darkness, how she knew what he had planned for her, and how she was able to use her new powers to scare him and protect herself.

He growled. "That slime touched you?"

Bella laughed lightly. "It was his mistake. I warned him, but I didn't kill him. He was just so scared that he passed out."

Edward pulled her face up to his roughly, his tongue sliding along her bottom lip. "He dared touch what was mine?"

She shook her head. "I should have known not to tell you."

He pulled back, his hand still clamped around her jaw. "Why?"

"Because you always freak out, even though I can now protect myself."

"Sorry, but old habits are hard to break," he murmured, skimming his lips across her smooth skin. "Ben's still asleep," he hinted.

"Mmmhmmm," she mumbled, wrapping her fingers through his bronze locks and pulling his face to hers. "Then what are we waiting for?"

Bella and Edward had been able to explore each other freely while in Saskatchewan, but once they had returned to their family, they had not been able to touch each other, for fear that they would bring attention to themselves from Ben – and possibly tear the house down around them all.

But enough was enough.

Bella lifted herself up and wrapped her legs around Edward's waist, feeling his sudden erection through her clothes. "Let's go upstairs," she whispered, licking around his mouth, wanting him to open to her.

Edward groaned and pressed her gently up against the wall, being careful to not dent the plaster. "Fuck upstairs," he growled, causing Bella to moan.

She supported her weight on the wall and dropped her hands to unbutton his pants, trying to free him from the confines of his clothing. She wanted him… now.

Edward had the same idea and was busy loosening her clothing. He set her on the floor of the foyer and pulled her pants off, watching with dark eyes as she pulled her shirt over her head. "You are so beautiful," he murmured, skimming his fingers over her exposed flesh.

They suddenly heard Ben flop over in his bed, his breathing hitching for a moment, which suddenly brought them back to Earth. Bella gasped. She was practically naked in the foyer for anyone walking by to see, along with Ben, if he came out onto the landing.

"Oh, my God," she whispered at their state of undress.

Edward let out a soft laugh. He scooped her up, along with their so-far discarded clothes. "Bedroom," was all he said, as he ran them up the stairs and into their new bedroom, complete with a huge, King bed. He laid her upon the bed and began peeling the remainder of her clothing off.

Bella immediately put her legs over his shoulders, pulling his head toward her center.

He knew what she wanted, and he was only more than happy to oblige. He ran his tongue over her underwear, moaning at the taste of her. He ripped the flimsy garment off of her and placed his mouth over her most secret place.

The idea that no one else had ever done the things he was currently doing to her was enough to drive him crazy. It also did not help that Bella was moaning and thrashing on the bed, her fingers pulling almost painfully at his hair.

When his tongue entered her, she growled out his name, her voice almost feral. It drove him wild.

"Now, Edward, please," she begged, pulling him up to her and attacking his mouth. "Please, I need you, now."

He dropped his boxers in one easy move, and within a second, he was sheathed inside of her, her walls clamping down around him. For him, it was better than even human blood. Nothing compared to the feeling of Bella contracting around him.

He thrust into her hard, over and over, keeping one hand braced on the bed and the other over her mouth to keep her screams from waking Ben up.

Suddenly, she seized up, her entire body going rigid, his name falling from her lips. That was all it took, and he emptied himself inside of her, growling out her name.

When they had milked every ounce of pleasure from the other, they lay on the bed, a tangle of legs and arms wrapped around each other. They both came down from their high long enough to listen for Ben's breathing, which was still even and soft.

"At least we didn't wake him up," she panted, continuing to plant small kisses down Edward's beautiful face.

"We're getting better, then," he replied, earning a small giggle from her. On the occasion they had stayed in a hotel in Joliet, before returning to Forks, they had received several complaints from their neighbors.

He stroked her hair back from her face, her stone features smooth, yet her breathing still accelerated. "I love you, Bella. So much."

"I love you, too. But as much as I'd love to lie like this forever, we'd better get dressed, before Ben gets up and finds us like this."

Edward laughed and removed himself from his wife. "Yeah, and we almost gave the neighbors a show, as well."

"If they were watching, they were disappointed that we moved, whether they want to admit it or not."

"Kinky," he teased.

"You'd better believe it," she said seductively**.**

Edward abandoned his clothing and returned to his wife on the bed. Ben would sleep for at least another hour.

They could be quick.


End file.
